Author Topic: New Script: Ping, for your consideration  (Read 2753 times)

Offline Gary007

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 17
New Script: Ping, for your consideration
« on: April 26, 2007, 03:53:32 PM »
My Dog Ping

On Screen:
PROLOGUE:
A young boy in sitting on a chair , next to him is a large window. He stares longily through the window. On the other side of the window is a street scene: people walking, cars traveling by, children on their way to school. There are several people, both couples and single people walking their dogs.
 The boy sits up straight and watches the people.
Shot: from outside of the boy.
The boy speaks.
Boy
My name is Watson, I live here in the People's Republic of China. This is my country. I love my country. But as much as I love my country, sometimes, the government does something that is wrong. Very wrong.
This is my story, or I should say, this is my dog's story and how he almost lost his life, to something that was terribly wrong.

As the boys speaks the camera turns and takes in the city scene below.

Boy
IN THE SUMMER OF 2006, THERE WAS AN OUTBREAK OF RABIES IN CHINA. RABIES, A DISEASE THAT AVERAGES THE DEATHS OF ROUGHLY 2,000 CHINESE A YEAR, IS LARGELY DUE TO IMPROPER MEDICAL TREATMENT. ONLY 3% OF ALL OF CHINAíS DOGS WERE VACCINATED. AS A RESULT, LEADERS OF THE CHINESE GOVERNMENT ORDERED THE DESTRUCTION OF EVERY ANIMAL WITHIN A THREE MILE RADIUS OF THE INFECTED AREA, AND OFFERED RESIDENTS A BOUNTY FOR EVERY DOG KILLED...$0.62 CENTS. IN FIVE DAYS, 50,000 DOGS WERE SLAUGHTERED.

SCENE: A TOWN IN THE YUNNAN PROVINCE, CHINA.
A SUNNY, BRIGHT DAY. THERE ARE NUMEROUS BUILDINGS TWO TO THREE STORIES HIGH. PAVED STREETS, SIDEWALKS, CARS AND BUSES MAKING THERE WAY TO THERE DESTINATIONS. PEOPLE ARE BUSY GOING ABOUT THEIR DAILY ACTIVITIES. IT COULD BE ANY SMALL TOWN IN AMERICA, EXCEPT ALL THE ADVERTISEMENTS AND NEON SIGNS ARE IN CHINESE.
The camera pans up and down the street, it follows two young ladies who are talking and shopping, they have stopped, in front of a shop selling youthful fashions.
The camera shifts to catch the front of the young teenagers.

Shengi( pointing at the plastic model in the window)
Now I really like that. You see the way the hem follows the sides and then takes off in a pattern of its own? I love that.

Tanga
Yes I see what you mean, itís nice, itís really nice. I think you should get that. Itíll look great on you. Besides, you need something new for the dance this Saturday.

Shengi(turns to her friend)
Are you crazy? Have you seen the price? My parents would kill me!

Tanage
Well, at least you be the best looking corpse in the cemetery.(laughing)
Shengi gives her a stern look, then begins laughing herself.

The girls turn from the shop and proceed down the street.
The camera then turns on a group of people standing on a corner. They are holding groceries ,two of them have dogs on leashes.

Yee-tan
So I say to her, what are you doing? Canít you see I was here first?

Shehan
So what happened?

Twila
Yes, what happened?

Yee-tan
Well, she tries to push me out of the way, thatís what she tried to do! And if it hadnít been to Bush here(She points at her terrier), she would have pushed me to the ground. You know how big she is.

Twila
What happened?

Yee-tan
(bending down and petting Bush)
He growled at her. The meanest growl you ever heard!(proudly)
A fourth woman standing within the group.

Woang
Sheís just lucky my oonge wasnít there. Sheís just very lucky!(trying To look very smug, she points to her poodle, who is fast asleep at her feet)

Yee-tan
Oh yes, he looks quite the killer.

Twila(laughing)
He must be storing up his energy for the next attack! Be careful!
The fourth woman looking insulted, turns and walks away.
The camera follows her as she tugs at the leash, waking the poodle up and dragging him away before he is fully awake.

The camera follows the woman, she is seen yelling at the dog. Next, the camera skips over her and proceeds down the street, it goes around a couple of street corners. Finally it stops at the entrance to a school. It pans over a small festival that is taking place, children are running about, laughing, adults are walking around, there are acrobats and artists. The camera taking shots of armed soldiers patrolling the street, steely-eyed, emotionless faces that take in more than the crowd suspects.
The camera finally stops on a thirteen year old, dark-haired boy, named Watson, who is walking along with his dog, a black and white beagle. He is accompanied by two other children: a slightly fat, light haired boy named Wu and a skinny, freckled faced boy, named Chung.
The three are walking through the festival, trying to take in everything around them.
THE CAMERA FOLLOWS WU.
Wu has stopped at a stand the two other boys try in vain to pull him away, but he has purchased a piece of meat on a stick.

Chung
Thatís the fifth piece of meat youíre gotten in the last hour!

Watson
Wu, you donít know how long thatís been in the grease! Or even what kind of meat it is. It could be monkey meat for all you know!
Wu
Oh stop it, They wouldnít sell it, if it wasnít good.

Chung (laughs)
Everything it good to you. You never met a snack you didnít like.
Watson grabs the stick of meat and runs away.

Watson
I got, hee, hee. I got it!

Wu
Hey! Give that back to me! Iím hungry!

Chung
Youíre always hungry. Eating to you is an exercise that never ends.

Watson
Time for some real exercise. Weíll help him make room for his next snack!(Laughing)

Watson and Chung chase Wu passed some stands. The boys are laughing and having a good time, until they bump into one of the security guards. There is an icy moment of silence.
SHOT:THE CAMERA PANS THE GUARD, SLOWLY FROM THE SHINY BOOTS UP, FOLLOWING HIS PANTS, HIGHLIGHTING THE AK-47 AT HIS SIDE, THE BELT FILLED WITH EXTRA AMMUNITION, TO THE CAP ON HIS HEAD.  THE SECURITY GUARDíS STONE COLD EYES AND HARDENED FACE, STARE AT THE BOYS.

The camera withdraws as the boys back slowly away. Ping also backs away slowly, his small eyes never blinking, watching the guard with both fear and respect.
Suddenly, someone calls at the boys.
Voice from behind, not too distant.
Voice
« Last Edit: September 20, 2007, 06:51:41 PM by Gary007 »
Gary Green

Offline R. L. Copple

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 248
    • R. L. Copple's Author Web Site
Re: New Script: Ping, for your consideration
« Reply #1 on: June 23, 2007, 10:06:42 PM »
I think this has some promise. I'm not totally sure of the overall plot line and the target audience (a brief synopsis for these would be good), but assuming this is the opening scene to the movie, show, it would seem a bit disjointed. By the end of this scene I don't know who the MC is, though I suspect it is the boy, but I could be wrong. What you have is several scenes, the only connecting thread is the dogs which from the prologue I'm assuming the conflict of this tale will be a boy attempting to keep his dog from being killed by the government.

If we were building the thought that all these people have dogs that are going to get killed, to set the stage, and the boy is the MC, perhaps you could have the camera following him as he walks past these conversations with his dog. I think it helps to introduce the MC as early as possible. You don't want to focus the camera on a group of people and leave the impression that the story is about these people, only to break away from them and never see them again. Unless, of course, all these people are going to play key roles in the story, like some natural disaster movie that has several key players in it. But if these are just setting and scene building events, better to have your MC focused on first and have him/her in the story, IMO.

Those are my impressions, but without knowing more about the type of story this is, what the plot is, and the target audience, I may or may not be on target with what I'm saying. But, that's how it struck me.

Patron

  • Guest
Re: New Script: Ping, for your consideration
« Reply #2 on: July 18, 2007, 01:43:57 AM »
I'm a little behind the 8 ball here, but bea with me.

There are several thngs I could offer but what strikes me most is what is your opening? If this your opening then I could go one way on comments; if not I could go another.....

Not a strong help but, I would like to understand your direction before I could make a realistic opinion.

Sincerely,

Patron


Offline Gary007

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 17
Re: New Script: Ping, for your consideration
« Reply #3 on: August 11, 2007, 01:04:39 PM »
Hello,
Yes, this is my opening and I am open to all comments, after all I'm trying to better my work. So please, let me have it.
Thanks,
Gary007
Gary Green

Offline Mini

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 67
Re: New Script: Ping, for your consideration
« Reply #4 on: September 20, 2007, 07:52:13 AM »
Hello Gary,

I agree with RL Copple, this appears a bit disjointed, as opening seems sometimes are. A brief synopsis would be helpful. However, it did grab my attention.

Mini