Author Topic: Excerpts from diaries: Dog vs. Cat  (Read 1018 times)

Offline Xinmiao

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Excerpts from diaries: Dog vs. Cat
« on: April 05, 2007, 09:57:17 PM »
I got this from an email. Happy Easter :)

This seems to really exemplify the different personalities of dogs & cats:

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!

1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!

7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Diary

Day 2,983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They
dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or
some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations
perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my
strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an
attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Overnight I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet,
hoping this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
demonstrates what I am capable of. Instead, they merely made condescending
comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards! My disdain for
the guards simply knows no bounds.

This morning, I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the
other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special
privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to
return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird must be an informant as well. I observe him communicating with the
guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. Though I would
love to silence him, my captors have wisely arranged protective custody for
him by placing him in an elevated cell, high above the prison floor, so he
is safe. For now...

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices earlier tonight. I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. I do not know
as of yet what the purpose of this assembly was, however, I could hear the
noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the
power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my
The supreme happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved.


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Re: Excerpts from diaries: Dog vs. Cat
« Reply #1 on: April 05, 2007, 10:27:09 PM »
 ;D ;D ;D


Love it! :D

Leigh x

Offline Xinmiao

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Re: Excerpts from diaries: Dog vs. Cat
« Reply #2 on: April 05, 2007, 11:02:04 PM »
Glad it made you laugh :D
The supreme happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved.

Offline Amie

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Re: Excerpts from diaries: Dog vs. Cat
« Reply #3 on: April 06, 2007, 12:49:00 AM »
This is brilliant!  I have seen it before, but it's wonderful to see it again, one of my favourites!  ;D
"You do not need to leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. Do not even listen, simply wait, be quiet still and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked, it has no choice, it will roll in ecstasy at your feet." - Kafka