Author Topic: untitled  (Read 2440 times)

Offline Simon

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« on: March 19, 2007, 11:46:09 PM »
Setting: Downtown sidewalk, most of the sidewalk is past the forth wall. There is fairly    regular pedestrian traffic on the sidewalk.

Rev Davis: Street preacher. Politically conservative. Had been preaching in this sidewalk area for several years. Sales-manish

Rev Miller: Also a street preacher. Liberal. Preaching in this sidewalk area for the first time. Sales-manish

All other characters are through the forth wall.

(Davis enters carrying a box, filled with pamphlets, and a Bible)
Davis:   (to a women who is waiting) Hello sister, do you read your Bible? Well you ought to, John 3:19 “whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life” quite a promise. Would you be interested in a free pamphlet (pause), would you rather meet your friend, or savoir here today. It is not- (to friend of women) oh hello, perhaps you’d also be inter- okay, God bless. (to passing businessman) Brother, release yourself from the influence of the Devil. He has a grip on your mind that only Jes- oh, God bless.
(Miller enters)
Davis:   (to a passing homosexual couple) Hello brothers, I would like to say that I have a neighbors love for you, but God does not. As it says in Leviticus “You shall not lie with a male as with a woman”, you must defeat the devil he leads you to your choices.

Miller:   (to the homosexual couple) Do not let the policy of the church, destroy your chance for salvation. Take a look at our web sight

Davis: Repenting is your only chance to avoid an eternity of hell. The first step of repenting can be taking this pamphlet. You must escape your ways of evil! … God bless. (to a passing businessman) Each day, the defenseless are murdered, and the Lord says "Thou shall not kill" but the people do not listen. Fight the baby murderers, mail your MP, abortion is wrong, evil. Take a pamphlet.

Miller: (to businessman) Love your neighbor, the rest is secondary.

Davis:   (to businessman) Fight Satin’s influence…God bless.

Miller:   (to businessman at a distance)

Davis: (to Miller) You are corrupting these people; you’re making it hard for me. (to a mother with baby in a stroller) Hello sister, what an adorable child. (pause) You know it’s never too early to be baptized, start his path to salvation nice and early.
Miller:   (to mother) Give the child a choice, it’s not an act of faith until he understands his action, it's all explained at

Davis: (to mother) God bless. (to Miller, Miller ignores Davis) I am a reasonable man; I need you to leave this area. I’ve been spreading the message of God here for years. (to a man) The Devil is very much alive, he has learned to get us using drugs and get us to accept evil behav- It is the Devil who is behind that gesture. God bless (to Miller) I demand some respect. (pause) Acknowledge me! This has been my spot for seven years, and you’re here for… listen, listen to me! (Davis throws Bible at Miller)

Miller:   (picks up and examines Bible) Ooo the new King James Version. What, is this Bible from the 1990s? It doesn’t even have a web reference page.

Davis: I’m sorry. Could I have my Bible back?

Miller: (reading) Presented to Gary Davis may your spiritual- blah– May 18 1992. Wow this a real Guttenberg we got here. I mean there are no alternative translations, there’s nothing beyond the basic Cannon here, it isn’t even bound with real leather.

Davis:   Yeah I know, it’s important to me, could I have it back.

Miller:   The concordance here isn’t too super either.

Davis: (to passing teen) The devil, um, corrupts… the young… into drugs, which God does not like. Um it uh, says in Levit… or Deuteronomy… take a pamphlet.

Miler: (to Davis) Wow you really slipped there. Funny cause to tell you the truth it’s not much of a reference tool here, I mean it doesn’t-

Davis: (cuts miller off) All right. I really need it back. (Grabs Bible, Miller and Davis tug, Miller releases)

Miller: (to a passing man) Oh, afternoon brother, Christianity isn’t as strictly dogmatic as some would have you believe.

Davis:   (to passing man) The reckoning is coming, only the pure will ascend, take a pamphlet, God bless.

Lights down

Offline SheWritesRight

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Re: untitled
« Reply #1 on: March 20, 2007, 09:22:12 PM »
Hi Simon

I had a look through your post. Not sure what it's supposed to be. A play? Part of a movie? 

You have a good way with dialogue which is great because some writers find that very hard.  But I think the script needs better setting out to be more understandable to read, such as, every time they speak to a different person it could be written on a new line. Also the actions, such as fighting over the Bible, should be written seperately.

I'm sorry but I didn't quite understand the ending either.  Why did not holding his Bible make him unable to quote from it?  ???  Or maybe it's jut me reading it wrong.  Maybe if I knew exactly what the work was I'd be able to interpret it better.

But overall I liked your style and your ability to handle dialogue.
Whenever I'm doing something else, I know I should be writing.
Whenever I'm writing, I know there are other things I should be doing.