The Crap Joke Thread / Adult Content

[jeanette]

carryong on from Bob's

what's white and sits at the edge of the jungle?
Tarzan's old fridge

[Gyppo]

As an antithesis to the crap jokes on here, I've started a thread for our favourite jokes (meaning good ones).

There are bound to be some jokes which qualify for both ;-)

Q:  What's green, with 6 wheels, and can be found in a field?
A:  A bus.  I lied about the wheels

Gyppo

[CarrieSheppard]

Two fish in a tank.

One says to the other...

"I can't drive this!"

I have told that on stage.  The result was... groans!  I love this thread!!  Good move!

Mind you, I have paid a dear, dear price for telling bad jokes on stage. Be warned... 'twas near enough to ruin a marriage!!!

Carrie

[CarrieSheppard]

A Norfolk joke.

Fred and Jim was drivin' their tractor down a country road. 

Malcolm, local flash boy, was drivin' his Porsche the other way.

Round the bend comes Malcolm, 75 miles per hour - sees Fred and Jim in their Tractor!  ScreeeeechhH!!!.....

Malcolm turns the wheel and careers off the road, into the field, coming to a muddy, messy stop.

"Ah," says Jim.  "Good thing we wusn't in that field or we'd a' been killded."

[jeanette]

Wee Billy is the naughtiest little boy at school, always swearing.
One day the teacher gives the kids a word game. Does anyone know a four letter word beginning with 'F'?'
Wee Billy's hand is straight up. The teacher ignores him.
'Yes, Annie?'
'Frog,' says the lttle girl.
'Very good. Now, does anyone know a seven letter word beginning with 'B'?'
Again, wee Billy's hand reaches for the ceiling.
'What about you, Peter?'
'Bananas,' says the little boy.
'Very good. Now How about a five letter word beginning with 'G'?'
Once more, Billy's hand is stretched high. For the life of her the teacher can't think of a swear word beginning with G so she relents.
'All right Billy.'
'Gnome!' Bily shouts.
'Well done!' the teacher says, relieved. 'And can you tell me what a gnome is, Billy?'
'It's a wee F****** B****** about two foot high!'

[Allie]

I don't think those last ones are crap jokes, I think they're very good. Okay, so now tell me I've no taste. 

[CarrieSheppard]

Allie - you have no taste.

Happy?


Cx

[Allie]

Very happy, Carrie. Now come on over and post your best joke. 

[CarrieSheppard]

Nope!  Saving that for live on stage...

[Gyppo]

I don't think those last ones are crap jokes, I think they're very good. Okay, so now tell me I've no taste. 

Two cannibals cooking Allie in a large pot over an open fire.  One of them prods the contents with a stick and grumbles to the othe, "Damned if I'm bothering to cook any more writers, they just dissolve away into alphabet soup."

Second cannibal dips a spoon, blows on it, tastes it.  "No bloody taste either."

Gyppo

[Cathy C]

Two blonde walk into a bar - you'd think one of them would have seen it.

(Sorry, sorry, ducking here )

[Gyppo]

It only takes one drink to get me legless.  Usually the twelfth one.

Gyppo

[Gyppo]

Really ancient joke.

Two Beatniks sat on a bridge over the River Nile, dangling their feet in the water.

1st Beatnik: "Hey, Man.  A crocodile's just bitten my leg off."

2nd Beatnik:  "Which one?"

1st Beatnik:  "That one over there with the black nose."

Gyppo

[Cathy C]

Two blondes walking either side of a lake.

First blonde shouts over to the other one. 'How do you get to the other side?'

Second blonde replies, looking slightly bemused: 'But... but. You're on the other side.'

Ok, ducking for sure here.

[nassj]

I like blonde jokes. 

This morning I was brushing my long hair. As I pulled the brush through my knotted blonde  hair I said, "Ouch, too much hair."

My ten year old son said, "Not as much as Britney Spears, mum."


 

I thought it was funny.