Author Topic: The Crap Joke Thread / Adult Content  (Read 456662 times)

Offline Michael Edits

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Re: The Crap Joke Thread / Adult Content
« Reply #3690 on: April 27, 2018, 10:22:21 PM »
Q: What starts with a P, ends with an E and has a million letters in it?
A: Post Office

Offline Michael Edits

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Re: The Crap Joke Thread / Adult Content
« Reply #3691 on: May 02, 2018, 10:53:39 AM »
Why don't cats play cards?
Because of the cheetahs.

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Re: The Crap Joke Thread / Adult Content
« Reply #3692 on: May 06, 2018, 12:41:17 PM »
What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?
A salad shooter.

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Re: The Crap Joke Thread / Adult Content
« Reply #3693 on: May 06, 2018, 01:26:10 PM »
A woman walked into a bar and asked for a double entendre, so the bartender gave her one.

Offline Michael Edits

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Re: The Crap Joke Thread / Adult Content
« Reply #3694 on: May 06, 2018, 03:35:02 PM »
A history professor and a psychology professor were sitting outside a nudist colony when the history professor asked his friend, "Have you read Marx?"  "Yes," replied the psychology professor. "I think it's from the wicker chairs."

Offline Michael Edits

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Re: The Crap Joke Thread / Adult Content
« Reply #3695 on: May 06, 2018, 03:45:43 PM »
Three old ladies were sitting in the park feeding the pigeons, when a man in a long trench coat suddenly jumped out and flashed them. They hadn’t seen such a thing in a very long time and their blood pressure shot up quickly. Ethel let out a gasp and had a stroke. Then Mabel let out a gasp and had a stroke. Myrtle wanted to have a stroke, but she was too far away and couldn’t reach it.

Offline Michael Edits

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Re: The Crap Joke Thread / Adult Content
« Reply #3696 on: May 06, 2018, 03:48:26 PM »
Two nuns were riding their bicycles down the back streets of Rome. One leans over to the other and says, ‘I’ve never come this way before.’ The other nun whispers, ‘It’s the cobblestones.’

Offline Michael Edits

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Re: The Crap Joke Thread / Adult Content
« Reply #3697 on: May 06, 2018, 04:00:46 PM »
   “Hi, Viktor. Wow, you sound out of breath.”
   “No, I have more.”

Offline Michael Edits

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Re: The Crap Joke Thread / Adult Content
« Reply #3698 on: May 11, 2018, 01:30:02 PM »
Why are eggs so fragile? They breakfast.

Offline Michael Edits

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Re: The Crap Joke Thread / Adult Content
« Reply #3699 on: May 16, 2018, 07:19:35 PM »
Dropping your phone in the toilet will lead to crappy reception.

(That is literally a crap joke.)

Offline Michael Edits

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Re: The Crap Joke Thread / Adult Content
« Reply #3700 on: May 16, 2018, 07:42:26 PM »
Bread jokes are the best because they never get mold.

Offline Michael Edits

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Re: The Crap Joke Thread / Adult Content
« Reply #3701 on: May 18, 2018, 03:20:11 PM »
When you get along with another writer, does that mean you're on the same page?

Offline Michael Edits

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Re: The Crap Joke Thread / Adult Content
« Reply #3702 on: May 19, 2018, 11:00:24 PM »
What does the clock do when it's hungry? Go back for seconds.

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Re: The Crap Joke Thread / Adult Content
« Reply #3703 on: May 21, 2018, 05:36:00 PM »
A lady with a prize-winning schnauzer figured that he was going deaf. He wouldn't come when she called. When she took him out for a walk he wouldn't heel like he had been taught to do. As a matter of fact, when the dog wasn't looking and she called him, he acted like he didn't hear her at all. So she took him to the vet.

The vet looked the dog over and gave him a complete physical. He told the lady, "There's nothing wrong with your dog at all. Look here. He has too much hair growing in his ears. Just get some Nair or Neet and put that in his ears and it'll fix him right up."

So the lady went to the nearest store and picked up a small bottle of Nair and looked over the instructions. There was nothing on the carton that related to her dog so she took it to the druggist and asked his advice.

"How do I apply this product? Do I put it on right out of the bottle or do I dilute it or what?"

The druggist said, "For your legs, put it on straight. Right out of the bottle. For your underarms, I recommend that you dilute it 50-50 with water."

She said, "I don't think that you understand. It's for my schnauzer."

"In that case, dilute it 3 to 1 with water and don't ride a bicycle for a few days."

Offline Michael Edits

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Re: The Crap Joke Thread / Adult Content
« Reply #3704 on: May 27, 2018, 10:40:40 AM »
If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.