Author Topic: The Crap Joke Thread / Adult Content  (Read 466599 times)

Offline bob414bob

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Re: The Crap Joke Thread
« Reply #45 on: March 22, 2007, 05:20:09 AM »
What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?

We'd better get some support of people will think we're nuts.

allonby

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Re: The Crap Joke Thread
« Reply #46 on: March 22, 2007, 07:33:34 AM »
Whilst renovating an old house, workmen found a dusty old box, on opening it there was a book called
 Irish Dancing
 Part 2
 What to do with your hands ;D

Offline Stupot

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Re: The Crap Joke Thread
« Reply #47 on: March 22, 2007, 07:55:53 AM »
Last night a Midget Fortune-teller escaped from prison.

Police say there is a Small Medium at Large.

Offline rewh2oman

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Re: The Crap Joke Thread
« Reply #48 on: March 22, 2007, 08:30:04 AM »
What is a "forum"?

A two-um plus a two-um.


Offline Gyppo

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Re: The Crap Joke Thread
« Reply #49 on: March 22, 2007, 08:37:10 AM »
Overheard, two young men talking.

1st Young Man:  "Let's go down the Nurse's Hostel and pick up a couple of girls."

2nd Young Man:  "What?  You mean foursome?"

1st Young Man:  "Well, not unless we have to..."

(Found in an old 1960s College Rag Mag)

Gyppo
My website is currently having a holiday, but will return like the $6,000,000 man.  Bigger, stronger, etc.

In the meantime, why not take pity on a starving author and visit my book sales page at http://stores.lulu.com/gyppo1

Offline DC

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Re: The Crap Joke Thread
« Reply #50 on: March 22, 2007, 09:15:12 PM »
And, somewhat in line with Stupot's opener:

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"


The bank manager looks back at her and says...

"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of
arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to
skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - open throttle in the other -
body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming : "Woo Hoo, what
a ride!"

Offline Nick

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Re: The Crap Joke Thread
« Reply #51 on: March 24, 2007, 06:23:17 AM »
A ship carrying a load of blue paint collided with another ship carrying red paint. The crews of both ships were marooned...

Check out my writing blog at www.entrepreneurwriter.net. I also have a new UK personal finance blog called Pounds and Sense.

Offline CarrieSheppard

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Re: The Crap Joke Thread
« Reply #52 on: March 24, 2007, 06:26:14 AM »
Most of my jokes are shaggy dog stories, requiring a punch line from a willing victim.  So they won't work here.  Instead:

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?

A stick.

Carrie

Offline ninian

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Re: The Crap Joke Thread
« Reply #53 on: March 24, 2007, 09:00:52 AM »
Q:  What's the difference between an elephant and a grape?

A:  Grapes are purple (remember that)

Q:  What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming down the road?

A:  Here come the elephants.

Q:  What did Charles de Gaulle say when he saw the elephants coming down the road?

A:  Voila, les elephants.

Q:  What did Jane say when she saw the elephants coming down the road?

A:  Here come the grapes.  (Jane was colour blind.)

Anyone can be passionate, it takes real lovers to be silly.  - Rose Franken

Offline McWawa

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Re: The Crap Joke Thread
« Reply #54 on: March 24, 2007, 10:46:25 AM »
Why don't females have dirty minds ?

They keep changing them every half hour.



bryan
"Do you not know, my son, with how little wisdom the world is governed?",
Axel Oxenstierna

brianfox

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Re: The Crap Joke Thread
« Reply #55 on: March 24, 2007, 12:09:13 PM »
A White Horse walks into a bar.

The barman says 'Hey, we've got a drink named after you'

The horse says 'What - Kevin?'


Offline Cathy C

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Re: The Crap Joke Thread
« Reply #56 on: March 24, 2007, 07:38:51 PM »
Quest: what do you get hanging from apple trees?

Ans: Sore arms!!!! ::)
Novel: Where There’s Smoke. Published by Fireborn publishing http://amzn.to/2tZKNCn

Short Story: A Killer Week Published by Bridge House http://amzn.to/2rhLVAX

Offline Gyppo

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Re: The Crap Joke Thread
« Reply #57 on: March 24, 2007, 09:22:24 PM »
Or a long neck ;-)

Gyppo
My website is currently having a holiday, but will return like the $6,000,000 man.  Bigger, stronger, etc.

In the meantime, why not take pity on a starving author and visit my book sales page at http://stores.lulu.com/gyppo1

Offline Stupot

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Re: The Crap Joke Thread
« Reply #58 on: March 24, 2007, 09:56:31 PM »
This is crap, but it might appeal to you guys, being wordsmiths and all.

A man was stuck in a cell, with no windows or doors and only a wooden chair for company.
How did he escape?

Well first of all he rubbed his hands together until the were SORE.
Then he took the SAW and cut the chair into two halves.
Then he put it together again.  Two halves ame a WHOLE.
So he climbs through the HOLE and screams at he top of his voice until he becomes HOARSE.
Then he gallops away into the sunset.

Sorry that was really bad... I remeber it from a book I used to have.

Offline Cathy C

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Re: The Crap Joke Thread
« Reply #59 on: March 24, 2007, 10:49:45 PM »
Ok, only putting this in here cause hubby is standing over my shoulder insisting I do. ::)

He's just home from the Navan races (his birthday treat) and he heard this 'joke' on the bus.

sorry, in advance.... :-[

Teacher asks her class of 6 year olds to make up a sentence with the word 'lovely' in it.

Adam goes first:

'I saw a cat on my way to school, it was black and white and it was lovely.'

'Very good, Adam,' the teacher says, 'that's excately right - good use of the word - anyone else?'

Anna raises her hand: 'My mother bought me a velvet dress yesterday, the material is very soft and  really 'lovely'

The teacher nods her head, approvingly. 'Good. Good. Anyone else?'

James raises his hand from the back of the class, smiling slyly: 'Me sister came home this mornig and tole me da that she was pregnant... he said 'That's lovely.... that's Fuc**** lovely.'

Sorry, he made me tell it mulord, honest! :'(



Novel: Where There’s Smoke. Published by Fireborn publishing http://amzn.to/2tZKNCn

Short Story: A Killer Week Published by Bridge House http://amzn.to/2rhLVAX