The Crap Joke Thread / Adult Content

[jeanette]

How do you know there's been an elephant in your fridge?

footprints in the butter.

and one for any Scots out there:
A man walks into a bakers and looks at the cakes in the display. He asks the shopkeeper:
'Is that an eclair or a meringue?'
the shopkeeper replies: 'no, you're right, it's an eclair' 

[Leigh]

o

r a meringue?'
the shopkeeper replies: 'no, you're right,

LOL!   

Love it, Jeanette!!

[jeanette]

Hi Leigh, wasn't sure if many folk would get that one. I've had to explain it to my English mates before!

[Leigh]

Hi Leigh, wasn't sure if many folk would get that one. I've had to explain it to my English mates before!

And me an American! tsk.

[Gyppo]

Or a  meringue ;-)  Cast me back many years to the bakery foreman who provided a crash course in the understanding of Scots.  "Not sneezing Pepper, Laddie.  Greaseprood pepper!"

If we're doing dialect jokes, here's one borrowed from the Yorkshire writer Gervase Phin(n?).  If you can't read this in a Yorkie accent it won't truly work.

SCENE:  On a bus.

CHILD:  "Look at that watterfall."

MOTHER (being pedantic):  "Weir, Dear."

CHILD (pointing):  "Ovver theer."

Gyppo

 

[chillies]

quote from Gyppo:

what do you call a deer with no eyes
no idea
correct

what do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs

still no idea

Ah, the old ones are still the best aren't they?

chillies

[DC]

This one works better verbally, so maybe say aloud:

What do you call a Fish without an eye?

'FSH'

What do you call a septic Cat?

'Puss'

[Allie]

Okay, then, along the same lines as the fish, describe 'water' in eight separate letters:

H I J K L M N O

[Alex F]

A Toothless Termite walks into a pub and says... "Is the bartender in?"

That's one of my dad's jokes, took me a while to figure out and then when I did get it I thought it was terrible anyway

[ninian]

How do you know there's been an elephant in your fridge?

footprints in the butter.

How can you fit elephants into a Volkswagen?

Two in the front two in the back.


How can you tell that four elephants have been in your fridge?

There's a Volkswagen parked out front.

[rewh2oman]

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - A tragic fire on Monday destroyed the personal library of President George W. Bush. Both of his books have been lost.

Presidential spokesman Tony Snow said the president was devastated, as he had not finished coloring the second one.

[Cathy C]

rewh2oman - that was brilliant!

am still chuckling here.

[bob414bob]

 Q:   What's white and can't climb trees?

A:    A fridge.


Q: Whats white and blue and cant climb trees?

A: A fridge wearing a denim jacket.

I can hear the groans from here.

OK this ones mean but it still made me laugh.

Ah! Heather Mills.
Bless her cotton sock.

[allonby]

  Q    What do you call a fella with a seagull on his head
  A    Cliff

[Allie]

 

As an antithesis to the crap jokes on here, I've started a thread for our favourite jokes (meaning good ones).