Author Topic: The Crap Joke Thread / Adult Content  (Read 460833 times)

Offline jeanette

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 451
    • jeanette's website
Re: The Crap Joke Thread
« Reply #15 on: March 20, 2007, 06:01:41 PM »
How do you know there's been an elephant in your fridge?

footprints in the butter.

and one for any Scots out there:
A man walks into a bakers and looks at the cakes in the display. He asks the shopkeeper:
'Is that an eclair or a meringue?'
the shopkeeper replies: 'no, you're right, it's an eclair'  :D
\"Abandoned\" is available from www.lulu.com/content/2072117<br /><br />\"the Dragon\'s Promise is available from<br />www.lulu.com/content/8075592<br />visit my website at www.jeanettemccarthy.co.uk

Leigh

  • Guest
Re: The Crap Joke Thread
« Reply #16 on: March 20, 2007, 06:04:31 PM »

o
r a meringue?'
the shopkeeper replies: 'no, you're right,

LOL!   :D

Love it, Jeanette!! ;D

Offline jeanette

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 451
    • jeanette's website
Re: The Crap Joke Thread
« Reply #17 on: March 20, 2007, 06:06:22 PM »
Hi Leigh, wasn't sure if many folk would get that one. I've had to explain it to my English mates before!
\"Abandoned\" is available from www.lulu.com/content/2072117<br /><br />\"the Dragon\'s Promise is available from<br />www.lulu.com/content/8075592<br />visit my website at www.jeanettemccarthy.co.uk

Leigh

  • Guest
Re: The Crap Joke Thread
« Reply #18 on: March 20, 2007, 06:08:16 PM »
Hi Leigh, wasn't sure if many folk would get that one. I've had to explain it to my English mates before!

And me an American! tsk. ;D

Offline Gyppo

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 72195
  • I've been writing ever since I realised I could.
Re: The Crap Joke Thread
« Reply #19 on: March 20, 2007, 07:47:09 PM »
Or a  meringue ;-)  Cast me back many years to the bakery foreman who provided a crash course in the understanding of Scots.  "Not sneezing Pepper, Laddie.  Greaseprood pepper!"

If we're doing dialect jokes, here's one borrowed from the Yorkshire writer Gervase Phin(n?).  If you can't read this in a Yorkie accent it won't truly work.

SCENE:  On a bus.

CHILD:  "Look at that watterfall."

MOTHER (being pedantic):  "Weir, Dear."

CHILD (pointing):  "Ovver theer."

Gyppo

 
My website is currently having a holiday, but will return like the $6,000,000 man.  Bigger, stronger, etc.

In the meantime, why not take pity on a starving author and visit my book sales page at http://stores.lulu.com/gyppo1

Offline chillies

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 763
Re: The Crap Joke Thread
« Reply #20 on: March 21, 2007, 03:13:46 AM »
quote from Gyppo:

what do you call a deer with no eyes
no idea
correct

what do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs

still no idea

Ah, the old ones are still the best aren't they?

chillies

Offline DC

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3461
Re: The Crap Joke Thread
« Reply #21 on: March 21, 2007, 03:29:14 AM »
This one works better verbally, so maybe say aloud:

What do you call a Fish without an eye?

'FSH'

What do you call a septic Cat?

'Puss'
« Last Edit: March 21, 2007, 03:33:43 AM by DC »
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of
arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to
skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - open throttle in the other -
body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming : "Woo Hoo, what
a ride!"

Offline Allie

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1049
Re: The Crap Joke Thread
« Reply #22 on: March 21, 2007, 06:08:39 AM »
Okay, then, along the same lines as the fish, describe 'water' in eight separate letters:

H I J K L M N O

Offline Alex F

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 214
Re: The Crap Joke Thread
« Reply #23 on: March 21, 2007, 08:22:34 AM »
A Toothless Termite walks into a pub and says... "Is the bartender in?"

That's one of my dad's jokes, took me a while to figure out and then when I did get it I thought it was terrible anyway ???
"Hell? There is no heaven, there is no hell, there is only this place, the land of the dead, my friend..."

Offline ninian

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 49
Re: The Crap Joke Thread
« Reply #24 on: March 21, 2007, 09:22:08 AM »
Quote from: jeanette
How do you know there's been an elephant in your fridge?

footprints in the butter.

How can you fit elephants into a Volkswagen?

Two in the front two in the back.


How can you tell that four elephants have been in your fridge?

There's a Volkswagen parked out front.
Anyone can be passionate, it takes real lovers to be silly.  - Rose Franken

Offline rewh2oman

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1503
  • Life flows on within you and without you.
Re: The Crap Joke Thread
« Reply #25 on: March 21, 2007, 11:01:43 AM »

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - A tragic fire on Monday destroyed the personal library of President George W. Bush. Both of his books have been lost.

Presidential spokesman Tony Snow said the president was devastated, as he had not finished coloring the second one.
The Love you take is equal to the Love you make.

Offline Cathy C

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6592
  • Procrastination is the thief of time.
Re: The Crap Joke Thread
« Reply #26 on: March 21, 2007, 05:17:05 PM »
rewh2oman - that was brilliant!

am still chuckling here. ;D
Novel: Where There’s Smoke. Published by Fireborn publishing http://amzn.to/2tZKNCn

Short Story: A Killer Week Published by Bridge House http://amzn.to/2rhLVAX

Offline bob414bob

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1901
  • Learn to spell, it helps!
Re: The Crap Joke Thread
« Reply #27 on: March 21, 2007, 05:30:59 PM »
 Q:   What's white and can't climb trees?

A:    A fridge.


Q: Whats white and blue and cant climb trees?

A: A fridge wearing a denim jacket.

I can hear the groans from here.

OK this ones mean but it still made me laugh.

Ah! Heather Mills.
Bless her cotton sock.

allonby

  • Guest
Re: The Crap Joke Thread
« Reply #28 on: March 21, 2007, 05:35:46 PM »
  Q    What do you call a fella with a seagull on his head
  A    Cliff

Offline Allie

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1049
Re: The Crap Joke Thread
« Reply #29 on: March 21, 2007, 05:36:45 PM »
 ;D

As an antithesis to the crap jokes on here, I've started a thread for our favourite jokes (meaning good ones).