Author Topic: Narrative  (Read 49 times)

Offline Mark T

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Narrative
« on: November 21, 2021, 05:36:57 PM »


The night’s edge grows melancholy and torn,
pressing my weariness into tight folds
of failing thoughts. I dread sleep
and its retinue of dreams
where I walk awake
between battlements stacked in silhouettes.

Offline AntonioM

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Re: Narrative
« Reply #1 on: November 24, 2021, 12:19:07 AM »
I like it. Very subtle. The first line is really good.
I wonder about the title. . .
You could drop the final 's.'

Strong emotional connection to languish.

Sincerely,

Antonio
ARM

Offline Mark T

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Re: Narrative
« Reply #2 on: November 24, 2021, 03:55:06 PM »

Thanks ARM

Things okay in your zone?

I could drop the s but would then lose the sibilant assonance and make the battlements uniform - they are supposed to be - but I like them organically shaped.

This was the first stanza of a three-stanza piece. Was wondering how it would work on its own, in a minimalist way with a wider aperture for interpretation.

Mark