Author Topic: Please review  (Read 274 times)

Offline Old Guy

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Please review
« on: November 20, 2021, 08:39:30 PM »
A Quite Place

A quite place is what I desire.
My walking pace is slow.
Iíve not lost the internal fire.
It raises my ire.
Thus, I began to glow.

Up and down I go.
Hard is the way.
My breath I blow.
Where is my rainbow?
Always at bay.


Offline PhantomIris

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Re: Please review
« Reply #1 on: December 08, 2021, 06:49:26 AM »
I really love how simplistic your word choice is, but it conveys so much. The ending with a rainbow being at bay was a very strong note to end on, makes the reader feel that sense of waiting.