Author Topic: AGAIN AND AGAIN  (Read 312 times)

Offline whiterain

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« on: September 23, 2021, 10:40:58 PM »
Yesterday is gone
Along with the wind
Encouraging eyes
We live on a whim
Tomorrow we rise
with soot in our eyes
and time stands still
Tomorrow yet again
The journey is long
Pain never heals
Forget yesterday
Today we are young
we sit in the sun
we hum to the drum
it sinks in the skin
we are in

Offline Christian Auvray

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  • Posts: 4
« Reply #1 on: October 21, 2021, 11:22:08 AM »
Hello there! Good job for working on your writing, keep up doing so. For rythm reasons, i think you should split some lines into stanzas: L.1 to 4; L. 5 to 8; L. 9 to 11; L. 12 to 17. Some ponctuation could be good on your intent of getting the reader to feel reflexive and to participate on your motivation.