Author Topic: The Ruiner; Maybe more a song... But could still use feedback  (Read 438 times)

Offline Jmynomial

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The Ruiner; Maybe more a song... But could still use feedback
« on: August 12, 2021, 07:54:54 PM »
We started in the fall. I didnít want to fall in love
We had stolen kiss behind the stairs; A secret and phone call

You knew it way before I could even think the words
And now I know that you were right-But I did not want to get hurt

So I built fences around the wounds I helped inflict.
But you saw through me and you cut me to the quick.

But I didnít trust your words...
I didnít trust my heart my heart...
Itís lied to me before; So I damaged things right from the start

Maybe iím a ruiner

I wanna do better.
I want to fix what I shattered.
Cause now I feel so small.
When you are all that ever mattered.

You suffered my burdens, You carried my sins
I wish that I had realized that if I had only let you in...

So my walls grew higher as I pushed you away.
The wounds got deeper while I hurt you in every way.

Maybe Iím a ruiner.

And I know Iím broken. And I know you see
But I can be better, I am still the girl I used to be

Im ready to heal now-To clean up the mess I made
But I canít promise, That there wonít be more mistakes Iíll make.

I hope you trust these words.
I hope you know I want a new start.
And hear me when I say You have my whole entire heart

Offline Christian Auvray

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Re: The Ruiner; Maybe more a song... But could still use feedback
« Reply #1 on: October 21, 2021, 11:26:35 AM »
Indeed very musical, but a poem too, for sure. I thunk that the story is cohesive, well structured and that the reader/listener is able to join the suffering, the story and getting to know the lyric voice was quite easy, which is a good thing when it comes to holding the audience interest and curiosity. The title is very appropriate for either a song or a poem, but what about "The ruiner and the [other person]"?