Author Topic: whip master-revivited  (Read 379 times)

Offline dlp

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whip master-revivited
« on: June 08, 2021, 03:32:22 PM »
Blithering,
yes blithering.
I am exhumed from the tangled morass
of mundane delusions.
Sweetly I am kissed by the ego-alien.

Megalomaniac !

So twist me gently,
my thrashing whip master.
And twist me again.

Offline PIA

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Re: whip master-revivited
« Reply #1 on: June 17, 2021, 05:06:52 PM »
I feel that the last stanza was a missed chance to be a haiku. the 2nd line just needs one more syllable.

I like how (Megalomaniac !) can either refer to the whip master or the person being exhumed and kissed by the ego-alien

Offline dlp

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Re: whip master-revivited
« Reply #2 on: July 26, 2021, 08:36:40 PM »
how would you do it.  i can't think of a way