Author Topic: My Demon  (Read 170 times)

Offline Mjdmartin

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 1
My Demon
« on: March 24, 2021, 11:35:09 AM »
MY DEMON – An Autobiography - By Mandy Martin
Introduction

My body is frozen. All I can hear is my own gasping as I desperately try to fill my lungs with much-needed oxygen. Slowly, my body begins to relax.

I open my eyes, confused for a few seconds. Where is my phone? I just had it in my hand.
I fumble desperately, feeling the uneven concrete of the ramp. I look up, the darkness enveloping me like a suffocating cloak.

Silence fills the air. It is late at night and I doubt if there is anyone still awake to even call out for help. I need to find my phone to call for help.

Why didn’t I put the damned thing in a pocket? The only light is cascading from the half-moon. I stare at the dim rays for a while as my brain becomes more aware of where I am. “How will I get out of this situation?”

I place my hands behind my back to feel if there is any blood. I didn’t hit my head, but anything is possible. As my arms and hands struggled to stay up, I touch a finger against a hard object. My phone! I wrestled to slide it closer. There are patches of huge thorn-ridden cacti down below, and if my cell drops down, I will be completely helpless and left in the dark.

I lift it up as high as my arms allow and sigh with relief. I can see the faces of my boys shining through the light of the screen.

My body is being held down. I try to lift my head numerous times until the muscles in my neck start straining. The more I try, the weaker I get.

He had followed me and struck me unaware.

I look up, and now I can see the clear night sky with bright stars floating in the universe. I start to feel something like little strokes on my legs, which progressively get worse as the critters start moving around me. I can feel the tiny prickly feet moving over my hands, ready to dig their tentacles into my skin. My heart is beating so fast I can hear the beat in my ears.
I am stuck feeling helpless. Helpless and alone, except for my new constant companion, MY DEMON

This is my story. A story of a healthy active person who after being diagnosed with Muscular Dystrophy at the age of nineteen embarked on a profound journey into adulthood, womanhood, motherhood, and being a marriage, all the while being closely impacted by my ever-present and debilitating “My Demon” aka Muscular Dystrophy.”

What follows are the highs and lows of a winner and a fighter who refused to be defined by a condition suffered by many unlucky souls across the globe.

 CHAPTER 17:

THE VERDICT

The pain in my shoulder had not changed by the time of my appointment with Dr. Reed. As soon as I would lift my arm, the pain would shoot down from my shoulder to my arm. I finally got used to the discomfort, but brushing my hair or brushing my teeth always hurt, and putting on make-up was a mission. It seemed unfair. One night I had gone to bed feeling fine and the next day I woke up with severe and debilitating shoulder pain.

The Day of the appointment started with a cup of coffee next to my bed. I got up long before my appointment to shower, apply make-up, and dress, in order to my mother's famous words or reprimand from piercing my skull. Since the tests would be performed on my shoulder, I dressed in a skirt and a strap top. I detested taking off my clothes for an exam if it wasn't completely necessary. As I was leaving, I grabbed my shoes and assessed my hair to ensure my appearance was up to my usual standard. Opening the front door, the crisp air and clear sky energized my thoughts.

“How is your shoulder this morning?” my mom asked.

“It still hurts terribly.” My thoughts were not on the test, but rather on heading out that evening to a club where there would be music and dancing. “Is it still okay for you to drop us off at the club tonight, Mom?  I need to confirm with Lydia.”

“Sure, but let’s make sure you don't break any bones in your shoulder until we try to solve the problem,” she said sarcastically.

“Sure mom, whatever.” The sarcastic teen was responding yet again.

As we entered the doctor’s office, my mom walked up to the reception desk.

“I’m here for the appointment for Amanda Venter.” my mom said.

“Please fill out these forms, and then you can take a seat,” the receptionist said with a soft voice.
Once they were filled out, my mother handed the forms and the reference letter from Dr. Kuhn to the receptionist. She placed the envelope with the form onto the clipboard, probably in order to enter all the information on the computer.


Offline Skald--of--jorvik

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 17
Re: My Demon
« Reply #1 on: April 06, 2021, 09:49:05 AM »
I really enjoyed this, the introduction in particularly and the opening paragraphs really shook me and got my attention.

One tiny note is

This is my story. A story of a healthy active person who after being diagnosed with Muscular Dystrophy at the age of nineteen embarked on a profound journey into adulthood, womanhood, motherhood, and being a marriage



I would reword the 'being a marriage' part. Other than that, I really enjoyed your extract.
The whole of life is just like watching a film. Only it’s as though you always get in ten minutes after the big picture has started, and no-one will tell you the plot, so you have to work it out all yourself from the clues- Terry Pratchett

Offline c.e.abrams

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 16
Re: My Demon
« Reply #2 on: April 10, 2021, 06:42:24 PM »
There's a lot of filtering right off the bat. Things like "All I can hear is..." really separate the reader from the narrator, which I think is counterproductive in this section at least.

The whole passage for me feels like there's no connection to the narrator.