Slanted

[Mark T]

Hard reality rolled in on a tsunami
foaming with technology, hate
and crazy lies. In the surge,
a flood of skulls tumbled
tonk tonk goodbyes.

 

[Royal Kumari]

Hard reality rolled in on a tsunami
foaming with technology, hate
and lies. In the surge,
a flood of skulls tumbled
tonk tonk goodbyes.


I omitted one word.
It's been a minute.
Hope all fares well.

[Mark T]

Ah but it's a two-syllable word and to my ear the loss of two beats in that sentence creates a stumble... also I would have to change the title of my shaped piece  ... but thanks, RK.

[delilah22]

I have no idea whether "tonk tonk goodbyes" is just used by the poet as a literary device for sound, or it is actually dank in a way!
God bless my naughty naughty mind.

[Mark T]

It's meant for sound, the sound a whole lot of skulls would make rolling over together in the backwash of a giant wave drawing back into the sea. I would be interested to hear what the dank aspect you found represents. 

[crch]

I heard the skulls... tonk, tonk.

The lies of technology do create a bit of noise.

[Mark T]

Welcome to the ghost town of poetry. Thanks for looking, crch. Noise, indeed. 

[Royal Thorn 78]

Stunning writing.

[Mark T]

Thanks for your kind comment, RT.

[Royal Thorn 78]

"Stunning" isn't necessarily positive.  But in this case it was meant to be.