Author Topic: Missing Autumn [deleted]  (Read 732 times)

Offline leenadia

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 1
Missing Autumn [deleted]
« on: January 23, 2021, 03:48:13 PM »
[Thanks a lot for the abundant feedback I received from you folks. I feel very sorry for that but I've decided to pull this poem from the page since I'm here with a pseudonym and someone accused me of having hijacked my poetry from the internet.]
« Last Edit: July 30, 2021, 03:02:08 PM by leenadia »

Offline jt72

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 722
  • Jan Tetstone
Re: Missing Autumn
« Reply #1 on: January 23, 2021, 04:11:57 PM »
Beautiful! Thank you for sharing. 
At first glance I thought, " the first word of each sentence should have begin with a capital letter."
After doing some research, I learned, 'not always'. 

Welcome, to MWC.

jt
Interesting the way the internet really works.   jt jt

Offline crch

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 35
Re: Missing Autumn
« Reply #2 on: February 17, 2021, 04:57:18 PM »
"Recollections rattle reverberantly. I remember imbibing
moonlight, blissfully. I remember a dance beneath
capricious November rain. I remember how that beauteous smile

blossomed on your lips, too tender to survive winter.
Perhaps, it is not autumn I miss."

This is my favorite part and I love the word "beauteous"!

Offline Royal Thorn 78

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 44
Re: Missing Autumn
« Reply #3 on: February 19, 2021, 12:23:18 PM »
English being your second language presents its own set of hurdles in writing poetry, but this effort demonstrates that you are up to the challenges.  Question -- do you write in your first language and then translate?

Offline IzzBuzz

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 9
Re: Missing Autumn
« Reply #4 on: February 24, 2021, 11:52:14 PM »
Wow, this is just beautiful. I really enjoyed the imagery and the comparison of the person you miss to the fleeting season. The only part that kind of took me out of it was "Recollections rattle reverberantly". I think the shortness of the sentence broke up the flow a bit for me, and I would suggest rewording to something like "Recollections rattle and reverberate", but that could be just my preference.

Offline elizamorton

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 2
    • https://movex.kiev.ua/
Re: Missing Autumn
« Reply #5 on: April 25, 2021, 10:55:27 AM »
Beste
Автотранспортная компания ‘’MovEx`` осуществляет оперативные грузоперевозки по Киеву и всей территории Украины самых разных грузов.

Грузоперевозки производятся современными автомобилями различной грузоподъемности, за рулем которых вы встретите опытных водителей-профессионалов.

Offline Donmuse

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 7
Re: Missing Autumn
« Reply #6 on: May 10, 2021, 10:52:43 AM »
Bravo!

So rich in novel expressions, so chock full of individuality.

You write and I see. Your words leave me a clear path to this experience you share

snow lies iridescent, almost pretty

carpets woven with golden leaves

imbibing moonlight, blissfully.

a dance beneath
capricious November rain

lips[,] too tender to survive winter
.
I almost feel I am missing [not] autumn, too.

Palpable.

Donmuse