Author Topic: Your Abortion  (Read 154 times)

Offline Krizzle

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Your Abortion
« on: January 17, 2021, 02:34:59 PM »
Hey everyone,
Itís been awhile since Iíve been in a place to write again. Please give me your honest thoughts and reviews on my newest poem. Definitely needs some polishing.

Your Abortion

I cradle her
hold her space in my body
feel her pain in my heart

I carry your abortion
a partially developed child
terminated by her father
mangled by his sick love of her
she is so small and so heavy

Iím going septic
she poisons me
my arms ache to lay her down
to feel her weight lift from me
to free me

But she is mine and I am hers


Offline crch

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Re: Your Abortion
« Reply #1 on: February 17, 2021, 05:26:02 PM »
Great subject.  I think too many people are afraid to have the conversation.

The second stanza is a little confusing to me.
I do love the last line. "She is so small and so heavy"

Nice

Offline Patrick.G

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  • U can't beat death, but u can beat death in life
Re: Your Abortion
« Reply #2 on: February 17, 2021, 05:49:47 PM »
The raw emotion in this poem is impossible to omit.

I'm only a newbie to poetry, so take of my opinion what you will.

It's not easy to read, not easy to digest. But maybe that's the beauty of this poem. It's not an easy topic to discuss, and therefore the way the poem is written leaves us feeling slightly uncomfortable, as it should. I do feel at times though that maybe it's too obvious. A more subtle word choice, maybe more so in the second stanza when referring to the abortion possibly not being by the choice of the mother. I think by eluding to it being the father's decision and making us work to understand that fact could make it hit just home slightly deeper.

Honestly though, really really beautiful. And very important.

Offline Royal Thorn 78

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Re: Your Abortion
« Reply #3 on: February 19, 2021, 01:15:42 PM »
You tackle a difficult subject head-on.  Kudos!

Here is a poem on the topic of loss by miscarriage:

http://mywriterscircle.com/index.php?topic=42670.msg723058#msg723058

Much to learn from this woman's writing.
« Last Edit: February 19, 2021, 01:17:34 PM by Royal Thorn 78 »

Offline Mark T

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Re: Your Abortion
« Reply #4 on: Today at 03:45:45 PM »

You are right about Siobhan, a most talented writer and wordsmith. But please satisfy my curiosity - how is it you were able to link her post from 2012 to this one?   

Online JTetstone

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  • Jan Tetstone a/k/a Janice Sanford/nosuchmember
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Re: Your Abortion
« Reply #5 on: Today at 05:14:44 PM »
You tackle a difficult subject head-on.  Kudos!

Here is a poem on the topic of loss by miscarriage:

http://mywriterscircle.com/index.php?topic=42670.msg723058#msg723058

Much to learn from this woman's writing.
After doing a profile search and reading about the gifted lady,I totally agree, "Much to learn from this woman's writing."

From MWC Welcome page:
61121 Welcome Board - START HERE! / Glad to have found you all ę on: October 10, 2010, 05:32:44 PM Ľ Hi folks - I'm new today; love writing, love reading sometimes am prone to a bit of professional insensitivity - years of marking students' work so apologies if I jump in playing 'spot the error' rather than readng the content...they just leap out at me...I do mean well though...may as well have your writing correct rather than incorrect. There is a place in the world for word nerds like me and I do love seeing writers giving expression to heartfelt issues they bother to put down on paper, especially by those who perhaps felt that writing wasn't for them because of a negative experience in school from a teacher who put them down or humiliated them. I've recently worked with a dyslexic, non-native English speaker who has amazing ideas and a great narative style - it just looks awful until it is corrected but then it really is exciting. Also have done a lot of work for ESL students needing their dissertations proofread so I have come across some wonderful topics I never dreamed I would explore. The power of the pen WHOO HOO! So..hello everyone, I look forward to plenty of reading!  http://mywriterscircle.com/index.php?topic=29878.msg493159#msg493159

Mark, all a member has to do is use the 'search' box put in "Abortion-poem" and it will take one to everything about 'abortion.' on the MWC site.  ....Welcome back, Mark. It's good to see you posting,again.     jt





« Last Edit: Today at 05:24:49 PM by JTetstone »
Never let another set the value of your self-worth. Strive to be the best of who you are.  Believing in your self is the key to reaching your dream. love and peace,  jt