Author Topic: Your Abortion  (Read 984 times)

Offline Krizzle

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Your Abortion
« on: January 17, 2021, 02:34:59 PM »
Hey everyone,
Itís been awhile since Iíve been in a place to write again. Please give me your honest thoughts and reviews on my newest poem. Definitely needs some polishing.

Your Abortion

I cradle her
hold her space in my body
feel her pain in my heart

I carry your abortion
a partially developed child
terminated by her father
mangled by his sick love of her
she is so small and so heavy

Iím going septic
she poisons me
my arms ache to lay her down
to feel her weight lift from me
to free me

But she is mine and I am hers


Offline crch

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Re: Your Abortion
« Reply #1 on: February 17, 2021, 05:26:02 PM »
Great subject.  I think too many people are afraid to have the conversation.

The second stanza is a little confusing to me.
I do love the last line. "She is so small and so heavy"

Nice

Offline Patrick.G

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  • U can't beat death, but u can beat death in life
Re: Your Abortion
« Reply #2 on: February 17, 2021, 05:49:47 PM »
The raw emotion in this poem is impossible to omit.

I'm only a newbie to poetry, so take of my opinion what you will.

It's not easy to read, not easy to digest. But maybe that's the beauty of this poem. It's not an easy topic to discuss, and therefore the way the poem is written leaves us feeling slightly uncomfortable, as it should. I do feel at times though that maybe it's too obvious. A more subtle word choice, maybe more so in the second stanza when referring to the abortion possibly not being by the choice of the mother. I think by eluding to it being the father's decision and making us work to understand that fact could make it hit just home slightly deeper.

Honestly though, really really beautiful. And very important.

Offline Royal Thorn 78

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Re: Your Abortion
« Reply #3 on: February 19, 2021, 01:15:42 PM »
You tackle a difficult subject head-on.  Kudos!

Here is a poem on the topic of loss by miscarriage:

http://mywriterscircle.com/index.php?topic=42670.msg723058#msg723058

Much to learn from this woman's writing.
« Last Edit: February 19, 2021, 01:17:34 PM by Royal Thorn 78 »

Offline Mark T

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Re: Your Abortion
« Reply #4 on: February 24, 2021, 03:45:45 PM »

You are right about Siobhan, a most talented writer and wordsmith. But please satisfy my curiosity - how is it you were able to link her post from 2012 to this one?   

Offline jt72

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Re: Your Abortion
« Reply #5 on: February 24, 2021, 05:14:44 PM »
I apologize. I should have stayed on  the original subject [abortion poem].    jt
« Last Edit: February 26, 2021, 04:29:29 PM by JTetstone »
Interesting the way the internet really works.   jt jt

Offline Royal Thorn 78

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Re: Your Abortion
« Reply #6 on: February 25, 2021, 12:46:13 PM »
JT -- I am confused -- who are you?  Sit Admin, Moderator?  Hostess?

Offline jt72

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Re: Your Abortion
« Reply #7 on: February 25, 2021, 01:11:44 PM »
JT -- I am confused -- who are you?  Sit Admin, Moderator?  Hostess?

None of the above. I am a MWC member, who believes, whole-heartedly, that MWC is a site where new writers can  learn from the knowledge passed on from seasoned writers over the years. Writers such as yourself, and others who take the time to feed the hunger of those following their dreams, to be the best writers they can be.    Thank you      jt
Interesting the way the internet really works.   jt jt

Offline Mark T

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Re: Your Abortion
« Reply #8 on: February 25, 2021, 04:22:08 PM »

Hallo Jan, you seem to be in form... that's good... it's been awhile. You should have let RT answer my enquiry... I tried your exp but got no matches on abortion-poem... still curious.

Offline jt72

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Re: Your Abortion
« Reply #9 on: February 25, 2021, 04:51:30 PM »
It's a deep subject.....that you wrote about...
« Last Edit: February 26, 2021, 04:27:07 PM by JTetstone »
Interesting the way the internet really works.   jt jt

Offline Royal Thorn 78

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Re: Your Abortion
« Reply #10 on: February 25, 2021, 05:02:37 PM »
Is hijacking a thread allowed?

Offline Mark T

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Re: Your Abortion
« Reply #11 on: February 26, 2021, 02:31:28 PM »
Mark, not everyone has my gift for researching stuff.. I've been right here at MWC ... Where've you been ? 
A lot of people use fake names for privacy reasons, and we all should respect that... don't ya think ???

I'm still curious but now also confused... unless...

Offline Donmuse

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Re: Your Abortion
« Reply #12 on: May 10, 2021, 10:25:00 AM »
Hello Krizzle,

I have read and commented on your poem yesterday, but I was in the wrong forum, Poetry Workshop. I tried, several times today,  to import my review here but i've not been successful. In the event you'd like to have a look at it, it's still in that workshop.

Best,
Donmuse