Author Topic: 500-word Character Intro! (Fantasy)  (Read 215 times)

Offline joelbyrd09

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 3
500-word Character Intro! (Fantasy)
« on: January 09, 2021, 05:04:39 AM »
Hey everyone. I'd be very grateful if someone could please help me with a writing exercise. Essentially, I will give you a short introduction to my main protagonist and, after reading, you then come up with just two questions for my protagonist based on what you've read. It will help me to get an idea of what is likely to be in the reader's mind after Chapters 1 & 2.

(I should point out that my novel isn't in the first person POV, but for the purposes of this exercise, this intro will be).

Thank you!

Forgive me if I donít say all the right things. I havenít introduced myself to anyone new for a while. Usually, if I happen to meet someone who isnít an Agris, my Father does all the irritating small talk for me.

Anyway, Iím Brigo Agris; the second son to my parents. Iím sixteen and live with Father, Ma and my little sister Leila in the deep south of Chorus. Itís a pretty big kingdom I think, but weíre quite cut off in this town. Itís dull really; I wonít bore you too much with it Ė miles of grasslands and lakes, some little stone houses and stores and too many people to fit in them. Strangers from the cities up north sometimes come to our cottage to eat the food we provide, and they say our town is quite beautiful, but I have no idea what they mean.

I was born blind. Ma says that means I canít see anything. I guess you probably know what that means, but I donít really. I mean, I know we work when itís bright and we bathe and sleep when itís dark, but thatís about it. I donít really know what Iím missing but Father and Ma keep me confined to the cottage Ė heís described me as little and helpless and fragile before, so it must be a big deal. Ma is terrified to let me head out into the Polm on my own. Iíd love to know what's beyond this town and explore the provinces like Grandpa Olkin, but I canít imagine Iíll ever do that under Fatherís watch.

I have to sit behind the house and cook the food all day for our patrons. Father has this small metallic stone that allows us to light the wood beneath the cooking pots Ė apparently, very few people are able to create fire with it. I donít know why I can do it so easily. We have a couple of other objects like this too. Ma has this coin that she gives me every night, and it creates this strange feeling in my hands, like my fingers are burning but itís comfortable. I can feel the quill scratches in Grandpa Olkinís old books and make out the letters and map borders by touch. I can only read with the coin though, and I canít use it for too long without getting a bloody nose or a headache.

Sometimes I sneak out at night. My best friend is the local butcherís boy whom my Father used to buy his meat from when business was good. Genli isnít quite as protective as my parents, but he knows how to make sure I donít get stuck on a hill or accidentally fling myself over the cliffs of the Polm plateau. He applied to join the Choran military. Heís not the smartest, but heís a strong guy. Really quick and knows how to use objects like Fatherís firestone and Maís tactus coin. I doubt heíll be here much longer when the peacekeepers come knocking to welcome him to Solenís military academy. Heíll definitely get in, and what an adventure it would be. Heíd see the whole of Chorus, doing such exciting and dangerous things. Not something I could ever do. I canít even go hunting with Father Ė Iíd sooner accidentally send an arrow through his head than a deerís.

So, you can imagine my surprise when the peacekeepers came knocking on our cottage door yesterday to tell us that Iíd been successfully enrolled in their academy.

Offline joelbyrd09

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 3
Re: 500-word Character Intro! (Fantasy)
« Reply #1 on: January 09, 2021, 05:05:22 AM »
[P.S. Absolutely willing to critique in return :) ]

Offline Eddieism

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 9
  • You can call me Ed, I'm a fantasy writer
Re: 500-word Character Intro! (Fantasy)
« Reply #2 on: January 09, 2021, 07:22:20 PM »
Hi there! First of all, I just need to say how great it was to read, just this small amount, I would love to read more. This is an amazing intro for the character I absolutely love it and the character already.

It was really hard to come up with questions, but I managed it somehow.

1) How good is his relationship with his family? Who does he like the most and least? and why? (I think he doesn't like his father but doesn't resent him much, but I am still left thinking about it, perhaps I am correct, not sure.)

2) How Hard was it to learn to read, write, and cook? (I'm guessing he doesn't have much of a frame of reference, but I also imagine whoever was teaching him did, and he might've felt that frustration when they did have difficulty)

PS, I would gladly take the offer for you to critique my work. I will post it soon and message you when I do. as long as you find my response helpful that is.

Offline joelbyrd09

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 3
Re: 500-word Character Intro! (Fantasy)
« Reply #3 on: January 10, 2021, 03:22:00 PM »
Hey there :) Thank you for your response and for such a kind comment on what you read! I'm really pleased you want to hear and read more, given that the bulk of the first two chapters in my book introduce everything mentioned in that first passage.

I'll try to answer your questions without any spoilers!

He does love his family. His sister irritates him daily, but they are very close - the one thing he appreciates about her is that, unlike his parents, she has always grown up with a blind person in her life, and so she treats him like a "person" as opposed to a "person with a disability"; more so than even their parents. He is closer with his mother - she taught him how to read with the coin. Even at a young age, he knew it took him far longer to learn than his sighted older brother did, but Ma was exceptionally patient and kind; something that strengthened their relationship. His relationship with his father is less close, but he does respect him. He appreciates that his father suggested his role of cooking; all about tastes, smells and textures; something that Brigo would perhaps be naturally gifted with. And he was. Brigo recognises his father's way of doing things and that he keeps him sheltered in the cottage only to protect him and keep him safe. But he does also resent the fact that this makes his life very mundane. Especially when he reads his late Grandpa's journals, which allow him to imagine what the rest of Chorus could be like.


Please do feel free to message me. I'm also new to this site and it would be great to find a critique partner!

Offline Eddieism

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 9
  • You can call me Ed, I'm a fantasy writer
Re: 500-word Character Intro! (Fantasy)
« Reply #4 on: January 10, 2021, 10:57:05 PM »
No problem, it was a pleasure to read. Thanks for replying quickly. You've made quite an interesting character, I wonder how you're going to have to describe scenery, kinda forces you to use the other senses to describe things, since your protagonist is blind.

Anyways, I will probably take you up on that offer for a critique partner soon, once another comment on another post I made gets a reply I'll post the first chapter of my novel on here to gauge the feeling readers had and how interested they were in it.

Good luck with your novel, though from the sounds of it you won't need it :P