Purity
I wrote this poem after my sister died. She had a 1 yr. son and a 2 yr. old daughter that I was caring for just days after her death.
One night, I was putting them to sleep and the baby would not stop crying. I rocked him, walked with him, sang to him, everything I could think of. He still cried.
Finally, I put him in his crib, walked out, and shut the door to let him cry himself to sleep.
When I looked up, there was his sister, only 2, staring straight into my eyes and said, “That’s not right”.
The crying was hard for everyone to hear, especially right then.
I was shocked. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, but I was schooled.
We stood looking at each other. She did not flinch.
I went through a range of emotions. Quilt, shame, nervousness.
What did I do?
Would my sister have been upset with me for letting him cry in the dark by himself?
I felt so bad.
My little niece had no bad feelings towards me. She didn’t want me to feel bad. She knew something wasn’t quite right and that I needed to fix it.
Her sweet spirit was strong. I felt it pierce right through me. I turned around and opened that door. She followed me in to make sure I did it right.
We all slept together that night.
2 years old.
Life does not get more innocent than that.
She had clarity in her wisdom, she commanded justice without shame, and I eagerly gave what she commanded.
I think about that night often. I was grieving my sister and grieving for her children because they had no mother.
I feel so guilty sometimes when I think about my young niece, who could barely talk, having to take the role of an adult at that sensitive time, to care for her brother.
She was clear in her wisdom.
Her innocence wanted justice.
Justice was dealt without shame.
I eagerly gave her what she wanted because she was right.
She was not upset with me.
She gave me no reason to be defensive.
Thankfully, when I look past myself and through her eyes, I do not feel shame or the pain of that night, and I can move on.
I know she held only love in that young, little heart.
What else would be there?