Author Topic: Slanted  (Read 576 times)

Offline Mark T

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Slanted
« on: December 03, 2020, 05:17:58 PM »

Hard reality rolled in on a tsunami
foaming with technology, hate
and crazy lies. In the surge,
a flood of skulls tumbled
tonk tonk goodbyes.

 

Offline Royal Kumari

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Re: Slanted
« Reply #1 on: December 05, 2020, 01:45:14 AM »
Hard reality rolled in on a tsunami
foaming with technology, hate
and lies. In the surge,
a flood of skulls tumbled
tonk tonk goodbyes.


I omitted one word.
It's been a minute.
Hope all fares well.

Offline Mark T

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Re: Slanted
« Reply #2 on: December 18, 2020, 01:37:02 PM »

Ah but it's a two-syllable word and to my ear the loss of two beats in that sentence creates a stumble... also I would have to change the title of my shaped piece  ;D ... but thanks, RK.

« Last Edit: December 21, 2020, 01:59:32 AM by Mark T »

Offline delilah22

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Re: Slanted
« Reply #3 on: January 21, 2021, 12:19:24 PM »
I have no idea whether "tonk tonk goodbyes" is just used by the poet as a literary device for sound, or it is actually dank in a way!
God bless my naughty naughty mind.

Offline Mark T

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Re: Slanted
« Reply #4 on: January 21, 2021, 02:33:10 PM »

It's meant for sound, the sound a whole lot of skulls would make rolling over together in the backwash of a giant wave drawing back into the sea. I would be interested to hear what the dank aspect you found represents. 

Offline crch

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Re: Slanted
« Reply #5 on: January 22, 2021, 05:14:29 PM »
I heard the skulls... tonk, tonk.

The lies of technology do create a bit of noise.

Offline Mark T

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Re: Slanted
« Reply #6 on: January 25, 2021, 02:09:39 AM »

Welcome to the ghost town of poetry. Thanks for looking, crch. Noise, indeed. 

Offline Royal Thorn 78

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Re: Slanted
« Reply #7 on: February 19, 2021, 03:32:57 PM »
Stunning writing.

Offline Mark T

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Re: Slanted
« Reply #8 on: February 23, 2021, 04:25:05 PM »

Thanks for your kind comment, RT.

Offline Royal Thorn 78

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Re: Slanted
« Reply #9 on: February 23, 2021, 07:25:45 PM »
"Stunning" isn't necessarily positive.  But in this case it was meant to be.  8)