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Topic: Slanted (Read 221 times)
Mark T
Hero Member
Posts: 4080
Slanted
«
on:
December 03, 2020, 05:17:58 PM »
Hard reality rolled in on a tsunami
foaming with technology, hate
and crazy lies. In the surge,
a flood of skulls tumbled
tonk tonk goodbyes.
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Royal Kumari
Full Member
Posts: 152
Re: Slanted
«
Reply #1 on:
December 05, 2020, 01:45:14 AM »
Hard reality rolled in on a tsunami
foaming with technology, hate
and lies. In the surge,
a flood of skulls tumbled
tonk tonk goodbyes.
I omitted one word.
It's been a minute.
Hope all fares well.
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Mark T
Hero Member
Posts: 4080
Re: Slanted
«
Reply #2 on:
December 18, 2020, 01:37:02 PM »
Ah but it's a two-syllable word and to my ear the loss of two beats in that sentence creates a stumble... also I would have to change the title of my shaped piece
... but thanks, RK.
«
Last Edit: December 21, 2020, 01:59:32 AM by Mark T
»
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delilah22
Newbie
Posts: 3
Re: Slanted
«
Reply #3 on:
Today
at 12:19:24 PM »
I have no idea whether "tonk tonk goodbyes" is just used by the poet as a literary device for sound, or it is actually dank in a way!
God bless my naughty naughty mind.
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Mark T
Hero Member
Posts: 4080
Re: Slanted
«
Reply #4 on:
Today
at 02:33:10 PM »
It's meant for sound, the sound a whole lot of skulls would make rolling over together in the backwash of a giant wave drawing back into the sea. I would be interested to hear what the dank aspect you found represents.
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