Author Topic: Slanted  (Read 221 times)

Offline Mark T

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Slanted
« on: December 03, 2020, 05:17:58 PM »

Hard reality rolled in on a tsunami
foaming with technology, hate
and crazy lies. In the surge,
a flood of skulls tumbled
tonk tonk goodbyes.

 

Offline Royal Kumari

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    • Findings: A compilation of thoughts, images, and words
Re: Slanted
« Reply #1 on: December 05, 2020, 01:45:14 AM »
Hard reality rolled in on a tsunami
foaming with technology, hate
and lies. In the surge,
a flood of skulls tumbled
tonk tonk goodbyes.


I omitted one word.
It's been a minute.
Hope all fares well.

Offline Mark T

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Re: Slanted
« Reply #2 on: December 18, 2020, 01:37:02 PM »

Ah but it's a two-syllable word and to my ear the loss of two beats in that sentence creates a stumble... also I would have to change the title of my shaped piece  ;D ... but thanks, RK.

« Last Edit: December 21, 2020, 01:59:32 AM by Mark T »

Offline delilah22

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Re: Slanted
« Reply #3 on: Today at 12:19:24 PM »
I have no idea whether "tonk tonk goodbyes" is just used by the poet as a literary device for sound, or it is actually dank in a way!
God bless my naughty naughty mind.

Offline Mark T

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Re: Slanted
« Reply #4 on: Today at 02:33:10 PM »

It's meant for sound, the sound a whole lot of skulls would make rolling over together in the backwash of a giant wave drawing back into the sea. I would be interested to hear what the dank aspect you found represents.