Author Topic: Beta Reader for an article  (Read 259 times)

Offline sail

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Beta Reader for an article
« on: November 30, 2020, 12:04:45 PM »
Hi,

I am a new writer and would love to get some feedback on some articles (non fiction) I have written.
 
- Is the flow of the article good?
- Does it make sense? Is the takeaway clear? Does it set the reader thinking, perhaps questioning set ideas?
- Is there enough information, too much, too little?
- What aspects do you like, what do you dislike?
- Is the heading captivating?

Please let me know if you can take some time to help.

Here's the links to two samples :

https://www.bitsofinsight.com/the-dilemma-of-a-mom-stay-at-home-or-go-to-work/

https://www.bitsofinsight.com/be-yourself-always-not-just-when-its-convenient/

I would be happy to provide my feedback in exchange.

Thanks in advance!
« Last Edit: November 30, 2020, 12:14:01 PM by sail »

Offline Eddieism

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Re: Beta Reader for an article
« Reply #1 on: January 09, 2021, 08:37:24 PM »
Hi there!

I would like to start off by saying how enjoyable it was to read, it helped me I think, even though the first example was directed at mothers, and I am neither woman nor father.

First Sample:

The heading is indeed "Captivating" to say the least, I think your target audience will differently be drawn to it.

The flow is amazing, for both samples. I have Dyslexia, and even though I will always have difficulty reading; the flow in your writing was easy to understand, so I can only imagine how easy it would be if I didn't have such a disability that affects my reading and more.

Early in I am confronted with the thought of how men and women have different societal roles, the roles priorities women to nurture their child more so than to provide for and to be successful in work (whether it be to provide for a family or for self).

I think man's societal role to provide for his family allows him an advantage when it comes to this, definitely more so than women; though women aren't alone in this difficult choice, they definitely worst off; due to society's view on their choice. Men are still affected by this though differently and perhaps less so; thus is life. like how single dads or stay home dads probably feel anxious about not providing financially when nurturing his child and vise versa when providing he is unable to nurture his child.

The Slight and only grammar mistake I spotted was this "But, I also felt strongly that I was entrusted this child for a reason."
I think you missed the "to" in the writing for example "But, I also felt strongly that I was entrusted to this child for a reason." I think this reads better, please tell me if I am wrong.

Even though, as I said I'm neither father nor a woman I felt inspired, some of this can be transferred into other aspects of life.

I could also feel the emotion in what was being written as if you were with me in the room; speaking to me about your trials and tribulations.

Second Sample:

Yes, again the heading is "Captivating" it drew me into reading it

First of all, I would like to say, your kid sounds very smart and very kind, your lucky to have each other.

For some reason, I made fewer notes for this than the first sample, not sure why? perhaps I since I believe I am being myself already? maybe... hopefully, otherwise I am oblivious of what self I'm being nowadays.

I will be linking sample 2 to my partner, as they are struggling with anxiety right now, and apart of that is that difficultly about "self", I hope this can help them, so thank you very much for posting here, and writing such inspiring and insightful things.


That is all, I hope my comment is helpful and that you continue writing your thoughts, as I found them insightful.

Offline sail

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Re: Beta Reader for an article
« Reply #2 on: January 11, 2021, 09:32:09 PM »
Hi Eddieism,

Thanks a lot for the feedback! You made my day:)

Sample 1:
You are so right that this was aimed at women, but I agree with you that with gender roles shifting in our world today, even men are not immune to this feeling. To top it all, I believe that those brave men who choose to be stay at home dads are faced with biases and judgements for the choice they make. I truly wish that our society would make it easier for each of us to make our own choices without judgements.

I agree about the grammatical error of the sentence. I will make a change. Thanks for mentioning it.

Sample 2:
Thanks for your kind words about my child - but I cannot take credit:)

Congrats to you on "being yourself!" Like I mentioned in the sample, it is definitely not easy.

I hope that the article helps your partner. To be honest, I struggled with figuring out who I was - especially, after many years of choosing to stay home and focusing on my child. I can understand the anxiety and frustration. It took a lot of support, patience and encouragement as well as trial and error to figure out who I was and what I wanted for myself. In fact, I am still learning each day.

I would encourage your partner to treat it like a journey not a goal to achieve. It takes time to understand who we have become at any stage in life. A question that might help them - what would you tell someone you loved if they were in a similar situation? Or what would you want for them? The answers to the questions above was very helpful for me. Good luck to your partner!

Thanks once again for taking the time for me - it means so much as someone who is just starting on this adventure. Appreciate it!

Offline Eddieism

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Re: Beta Reader for an article
« Reply #3 on: January 11, 2021, 10:21:21 PM »
Hi there,

No problem at all, I really enjoyed reading it. Btw I'm sure at least you can take half the credit :P anyways, I'll mention that to my partner, Thank you for sharing your wisdom.

Good luck with your blog and writing future :D

Ed