Author Topic: Uninhibited Critique for 215-word PB  (Read 74 times)

Offline angelaxhakolli@gmail.com

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Uninhibited Critique for 215-word PB
« on: June 30, 2020, 09:40:42 AM »
Hi, I'm completely new to all of this and really want to learn from others. Below is my first attempt at a rhyming PB---don't hold back!

MY MOM IS SILLY


My mom is quite silly, sheís never a bore.
She says all moms are this way, but Iím not so sure.

When itís daddy-and-me time, and weíre ready to go,
My mom does a funny goodbye dance in the window.

When I let out a big ACHOO, she snatches my sneeze from the air.
But I quickly take it back, and remind her my sneezes arenít to be shared.

Popping her finger in my mouth, my mom tries to stop my yawn.
And before Iíve had a chance to finish, itís already gone.

She even calls my boogers ladybugs, isnít that absurd?
I may be little but Iím sure that is not the right word.

My mom might be the silliest mom on my street.
Sometimes she puts socks on my hands, and gloves on my feet!

We sing the same songs every night,
But sometimes they come out not-quite-right.

Baa Baa Green Sheep, Twinkle Twinkle Little Bunny
They are not correct, but they sure are funny!

At bedtime, when we snuggle up and read a book on the floor,
I have to shout "Mommy, wake up!" because she starts to snore.

My mom is quite silly, she is never a bore.
That is why she is perfect for me, of this I am sure.


Offline Olesia

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Re: Uninhibited Critique for 215-word PB
« Reply #1 on: July 02, 2020, 05:11:56 AM »
Hey angelaxhakolli@gmail.com,

Welcome to My Writers Circle, we appreciate you sharing some of your work with us!

Share a bit about yourself under "Welcome Board" topic so we can get to know you better. What are your interests and what do you expect to learn from the community?

The forum is give and take and the more you review and critiques others writings the more feedback youíll get on your own writings.

Looking forward to your contribution!