Author Topic: First chapter of Early Chapter Book for Children - Adventure  (Read 83 times)

Offline Ribbon

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I am seeking a beta reader for Rock, Scissors, Paperbag an easy chapter book for children. Total: 4000 words.

The Sandlot meets The Goonies.

Below is the first chapter. Any pointers about making the first chapter spot on?!

Thank you for your thoughts!

Rock, Scissors, Paperbag
By: Elizabeth Godley

Chapter 1
BEFORE TODAY

Before today, on many occasions, Scissors would say, “Our town is lame, nothing ever happens here.” [Illo: Scissors is a blue pair of kid’s scissors, Happy, Smart and Chill. All the characters are kids personified as an everyday object, they do not have legs or arms. Scissors is just a pair of scissors. All the Illustrations are in color unless otherwise instructed] Bread and milk day in the cafeteria, “Our town is lame, nothing ever happens here.” Wear Beige Day at school, “Our town is lame!” Watching Paint Dry Parade, “NOTHING ever happens here!”

Paperbag and Rock would always agree. But Paperbag secretly loved that nothing ever happened here. [Illo: Paperbag is a light brown paper bag. Panicked, Wary and Silly-in a good way.] He was a bit, well, to put it kindly, skittish. Which means he was basically afraid of everything, E-VER-Y THING. Once, at the sound of a candy bar wrapper he jumped so high, he landed in that big tree that smells funny and always makes Rock sneeze. It was hilarious! Rock and Scissors fell over laughing and Paperbag kept hollering, “Help! Get me down! I am WAY too high up! Aaahhhhh!” Rock kept sneezing and giggling. They helped him get down to “the sweet, sweet ground” that is what Paperbag called it. They helped him because that’s what best friends do.

Rock would agree, “Yeah, our town is SO lame!” and then go into her tirade about “Bustin’ out of this town!” [Illo: Rock is a purple rock with a yellow star on her. Tough, Extreme and Loyal] She meant when she grew up, she wanted to leave. She had big dreams, she wanted to be a Rockstar, have her own band, and tour the world! Rock, Scissors and Paperbag were bored with a capital B.

The only thing that did happen in the Town of Orange Orange, so nice they named it twice…ugh…was Orange Ball. Orange Ball was pretty fun. Scissors, Paperbag and Rock would play all the time. When Paperbag wasn’t running away from bees, he was distracted by funny-shaped clouds or flowers. Rock was excellent at kicking. One time she kicked the ball so hard, it shattered into teeny-tiny pieces. The wind carried them ever so gently, it felt like it was snowing. Paperbag stuck his tongue out and ran around trying to catch the pieces, until he realized it was NOT snow. Scissors and Rock giggled as Paperbag slobbered and spat out cotton.

The inside of an orange-ball is very strange, a crazy mesh of wool, cotton, rubber, and cork, well, a FAKE orange-ball. The professional athletes played with REAL orange-balls. A real orange-ball is made of, well, actually no one really knows. Or if someone does know, they are keeping it under super-secret lockdown. [Illo: a diagram of a Fake orange-ball cut in half to see the materials it is made from vs. real orange-ball with some question marks.] Every kid knows the legend of The Great Orange Tree. There is a magical tree in a faraway land that grows REAL orange-balls every hundred years. But it is just a story. Who knows the reason only pros can play with real orange-balls?

Scissors loved Orange Ball. His room was covered in Orange Ball posters and especially posters of the best player in the world, Hat McCormick! Hat McCormick was actually from Orange Orange. The town’s only claim to fame. Scissors wanted to be just like Hat McCormick, or really, BE Hat McCormick! Hat McCormick was quite impressive, he was the best goalie the world had ever seen. [Illo: Hat McCormick is a dark brown felt fedora hat. Hat McCormick blocking a goal. Hat McCormick celebrating with his teammates the “Orange You Glad We Didn’t Say Banana, Oranges!” They are covered in Orange Pulp. (kind of like soccer or rugby players covered in mud.)] He broke seventeen records in Orange Ball and three of them were his own!

As fun as Orange Ball was, it would get tiresome, playing day after day, especially playing with just the three of them. None of the other kids really played with Scissors, Paperbag or Rock. They said Scissors was a dingus, Paperbag was a scaredy-dingus and Rock was a terrifying dingus! Dingus or not, Rock, Scissors and Paperbag were inseparable and always managed to have fun in the boring town of Orange Orange.  [Illo: Rock, Scissors and Paperbag laughing together, best buds!]

Again, that was all before today.