Author Topic: a tiny island football team take on the world - COUPLE OF RUDE WORDS!  (Read 4373 times)

Offline jeanette

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LONG LENS SHOT – view from the air of miles of endless blue ocean, waves tipped with white. Then in the distance a tiny green dot appears. As the titles roll, the island comes nearer. It looks like a tiny pebble in a huge pond.  It is green and rocky, and the little houses look like white dots. There is a wide sandy bay and a harbour with boats that
look like matchsticks against the immensity of the ocean.

TITLE: (not got one yet)      

As the camera comes nearer, something white can be seen to appear from the island, climbing into the sky towards us. After a few seconds it materialises as a FOOTBALL

CUT TO:

INT:   Pub “The Water of Life” – afternoon

Crowded, noisy, smoky pub. The barman SANDY is stressed out, and shakes his head as the door opens and more customers arrive. PAN ROUND at various drinkers: some men in yellow oilskins, laughing at a joke; Four women with babies in pushchairs, talking earnestly; two dour looking men (WULLIE and MURDO) sitting alone, dressed in the blue boiler suits commonly worn by farmers, muddy wellies on their feet. They are staring straight ahead and not talking; at the bar, a large group of men in muddy football kit. Two different colours of kit – one dark blue, bearing the insignia of Scotland, one the sea-green of the island. There’s only one woman at the bar – MIRIAM. The atmosphere is jovial, especially the Island players, and we sense from the general banter there has been a great triumph today. One of the Scottish players puts his hand on the shoulder of one of the opposition, CALUM (Miriam’s brother), grinning at him

ARCHIE (Scottish player)
Well, I have to say, your lads did well

CALUM (Island player)
Aye, not bad.

ARCHIE
Mind you, we’ve four out injured, and Davie was sick on the helicopter coming out

MIRIAM
Excuses! We were brilliant!

MIRIAM puts her arms round CALUM, squeezing him. CALUM smiles at her, finishes his pint and turns to the bar

CUT TO:

Shot of the game: bright sunny afternoon. The pitch is the only flat land on the island. At one side the goal is only a couple of feet from the edge of a cliff. On the other side, the goal is up against a cliff wall. There is a noisy and amiable crowd of maybe a hundred people. A Scottish defender has the ball and is deciding what to do with it when CALUM runs at him and tackles him. He passes the ball to ROY who shoots and scores. The goal bounces off the sheer cliff face, and heads back up the pitch. CALUM and ROY celebrate while the Scottish goalie turns round and kicks the cliff, not a good idea, as he then grabs his foot and hobbles around.

CUT TO:

Back in the bar –

CALUM – leaning over the bar:
Hey Sandy, do us another round the same

SANDY (stressed out)
You’ll have to wait!   

Another Island player (OWEN) leans over, winks

OWEN
Hey Sandy. Maybe if you tried being nice for a change you’d keep your staff.

SANDY
Aye and maybe if you don’t shut your big mouth you’ll get your arse kicked out that door.

Three or four of the Island players look at each other and go: OOOOHH!
SANDY’s face is bright red. ARCHIE shakes his head then looks back at CALUM

ARCHIE
Seriously, though, Cal, that wasn’t at all bad today. We ought to be ashamed. A bunch of professional players, trounced by a lot of part-timers.

Raucous laughter from the end of the bar. Both men turn to see three of the Island players doing the can can.

PAN TO: the two oblivious old men -

WULLIE
It’s busy in here today, and no mistake. There must be something on

MURDO
Aye, you’re right there

Back at the bar:

CALUM
Well, you lot are going through a bad time, I know, what with injury, and what not.

ARCHIE
Calum, You’re all just farmers and fishermen. Beating the Scottish National team, that’s a hell of an achievement

CALUM embarrassed now
It was only a friendly.

CUT TO:

The game again. The Scots have the ball, and the locals are chasing them hard. LEWIS is screaming over and over, not at anyone in particular, to ‘get the bloody ball’. The Island goal mouth looms, and at the last minute the player is well tackled by CALUM. He shoots, but his aim is off, and the ball sails wide of the post.

PAN WIDE to:
The view of the goal mouth, which is right on the cliff edge, and the ball sailing off to land in the sea far below. The Scottish player and CALUM look down at it, then look at each other.

CUT TO:

Back in the bar:

CALUM, who has finally been served, carrying three pints in his hands. ARCHIE and MIRIAM both take one, and they touch them together in a toast

CALUM
Better luck next time

He grins, and ARCHIE shakes his head

PAN TO:

OWEN, who has climbed on a table. He is now very drunk, and muddier than everyone else. He has one sock round his ankle and is spilling his pint. He is rocking unsteadily.

Here’s tae us!

He steadies himself –

Today Scotland. Tomorrow, the world!

There’s much laughter, and OWEN eventually falls backwards off the table with a crash. No one takes much notice.

LEWIS
Well, I think he’s right. I think it was a famous victory.

He looks round as if afraid someone will shout at him. When no one does -

LEWIS
In fact I don’t see why we shouldn’t go on to greater things. The world cup even

CALUM laughing
The world cup? Lewis, this is an island of four hundred people. What chance have we got against the likes of Germany and Brazil?

ARCHIE
Well, I don’t see why you shouldn’t try. What have you got to lose?

DONNIE
The world cup! And who would be minding my shop when I was there, tell me that!

They all look at each other.

CALUM
It’s a nice dream, but we’re not that good. Anyway, half the time it’s a struggle to get eleven players.

ARCHIE shakes his head. He knows his own team are pretty poor, but doesn’t want to spoil the island celebrations.

LEWIS stubbornly
We could get some more players.

CALUM
Where from? We’re an island. You want to recruit some dolphins? Sign up a couple of lobsters?

ARCHIE
You could put a seagull on the wing

LEWIS
There’s a rule. You can have people who have lived here before.

DONNIE
Aye, that’s true. Or people whose parents were islanders.

Non-committal nods all round.

ROY (the quiet man)
It goes for players married to islanders too

MIRIAM laughing
Well that’s it then. We’ll just advertise for players and offer them wives in return.

Silence. Then -

LEWIS (in hushed tones)
That’s brilliant!

CALUM laughs.
Great idea, sis!

SANDY leaning over the bar looks annoyed, as usual.

SANDY
You lot talk a load of drivel. I’ve never heard so much crap in my life

DONNIE annoyed in his turn
Ach away and mind your bar Sandy, you miserable old git.

OWEN arrives, having picked himself up off the floor. He has sobered up a bit.

OWEN
We did win, didn’t we?

MIRIAM
You did. Yes. We’re just talking about how we can win the world cup, now

OWEN gazing off in rapture
The world cup…

DISSOLVE TO:

OWEN’s daydream. OWEN’s POV
The world cup final, and it’s down to penalties. The stadium is packed full, and the roar of the crowd is intense. Ronaldo takes his shot and scores, and CALUM puts his hand on OWEN’s shoulder. His voice comes from a great distance.
It’s all down to you, Owen.
He walks towards the penalty spot, and the sound of his footsteps are like heavy boots in an empty church. He feels a hand on his shoulder, and looks up to see Ronaldo smiling at him. He looks down at the ball, which seems huge now compared to the suddenly tiny goal. The Brazilian goalie is smiling at him wickedly. The crowd suddenly fall silent. The atmosphere is electric. We hear the sound of his breath coming faster and faster. He starts his run up, and we see the goalie crouching, ready-

CUT TO:

CALUM
Do you want another, Owen, or have you had enough?

MIRIAM
I think he’s had enough

OWEN looking down, his mind still full of the dream. He smiles.

ROY
Come on, lad. I’ll take you home. 

They watch as the two men leave.

LEWIS
Do you think we could do it on the internet?

CALUM raises an eyebrow

ARCHIE
What are you talking about?

LEWIS
Advertise. For players. On the internet. I bet there’d be loads.

CALUM stares at him

CALUM
Are you serious, Lewis? We can’t do that. It was just a joke.

LEWIS defensively
I don’t see why not. I bet there’s lots of men would be happy to come and play here just for the chance to get a wife

It’s clear to all that Lewis wouldn’t mind getting one himself.

MIRIAM
Even if we could do it, we haven’t even got enough women

DONNIE (sotto voce)
Well you could have my sour faced sister for a start

PAN ROUND:
They all look round to where Donnie’s sister Mairi is standing at the door, arms folded

MAIRI
Donald, your tea’s out

They all look at each other. DONNIE is wincing.

DONNIE
She could do with another man to shout at instead of me.

Sympathetic faces all round as DONNIE leaves. The helicopter has come to take the Scottish team back home. ARCHIE finishes his pint and shakes CALUM’s hand

ARCHIE
Till next time, then. And good luck with your recruitment!

CALUM grinning
Aye, I don’t think so.

CUT TO:

EXT:   the football pitch - sunset

The Scottish team getting on board the ‘copter. The island team are on the pitch waving. One of the Scots moons at them. General laughter. The helicopter takes off and we follow it as it heads out over the cliff.
PAN DOWN -

- down the cliffside, to where LEWIS is retrieving their lost ball with a boat hook. He looks up at the ‘copter and watches as it flies south into the sunset. He looks down at the wet football, and reads the maker’s name and the words ‘World Cup’. He smiles.
\"Abandoned\" is available from www.lulu.com/content/2072117<br /><br />\"the Dragon\'s Promise is available from<br />www.lulu.com/content/8075592<br />visit my website at www.jeanettemccarthy.co.uk

Offline CarrieSheppard

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Re: a tiny island football team take on the world - COUPLE OF RUDE WORDS!
« Reply #1 on: December 30, 2006, 05:37:21 PM »
Not read this in detail, but the way it is laid out and direction looks really good.  Will have a proper read later.  Good work!

Carrie

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Re: a tiny island football team take on the world - COUPLE OF RUDE WORDS!
« Reply #2 on: January 26, 2007, 10:38:25 PM »
Hi jeanette;

I wanted to reply to this because I read it before and got sidetracked and never got back to you.

I enjoyed it thus far and I want to say fantastic structure!

I do have one thing to point out. Since screenwriting is what I do for a living, please bear with me.

LEWIS
Well, I think he’s right. I think it was a famous victory.

He looks round as if afraid someone will shout at him. When no one does -

I took this one in particular but noticed it in a couple of other places. I would suggest that you try to let the camera do more of the work here. The actor will know his part and what is neccesary here.
You could also write it like this, which by the way is pretty succesful these days in Hollywood.

LEWIS
Well, I think he’s right. I think it was a famous victory...

From here you can continue with action and use the dot dot dot to give the reader a sence of tension.

I would also say be careful with the use of camera directions unless they are crucial to get your point accross, as most directors take this personally as an attack from the writers. Directors are supposed to direct and writers are simply supposed to write; that seems to what they think anyway.

I hope I was clear and if not, let me know and I will explain furthur. ;) :)

Sincerely,

Patron

Offline jeanette

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Re: a tiny island football team take on the world - COUPLE OF RUDE WORDS!
« Reply #3 on: January 27, 2007, 04:14:17 AM »
Thank you very much, Patron. This is my first attempt at a screenplay, and I read a couple of actual film scripts first to get the gist of how to do it. So I am very much finding my feet, and your advice is appreciated. Cheers about the camera direction hint. I would never have thought of that!
Now all I have to do is finish it ::) ;)
\"Abandoned\" is available from www.lulu.com/content/2072117<br /><br />\"the Dragon\'s Promise is available from<br />www.lulu.com/content/8075592<br />visit my website at www.jeanettemccarthy.co.uk

Offline jeanette

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Re: a tiny island football team take on the world - COUPLE OF RUDE WORDS!
« Reply #4 on: January 30, 2007, 11:29:05 AM »
Hi Patron. I have just spotted a link you have placed to awesome film scripts. This is brilliant! My one and only effort was done after reading James Cameron's script of The Abyss. Your comments to me were that I should not give too many camera directions. As Cameron was writing and directing, this si where I've got it from. I will now read more scripts and try and get a feel for it. Thanks for the link!
\"Abandoned\" is available from www.lulu.com/content/2072117<br /><br />\"the Dragon\'s Promise is available from<br />www.lulu.com/content/8075592<br />visit my website at www.jeanettemccarthy.co.uk

Offline lisajc

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Re: a tiny island football team take on the world - COUPLE OF RUDE WORDS!
« Reply #5 on: February 01, 2007, 06:13:01 PM »
Hi Jeanette,

So this is how it's done! I had better scrap mine and start again......yours is so, so good.

Lisa.
He who laughs last.......didn't get the joke!

Offline jeanette

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Re: a tiny island football team take on the world - COUPLE OF RUDE WORDS!
« Reply #6 on: February 01, 2007, 06:22:57 PM »
Lisa, no, no! Do what I did and read someone else's script that's already been made into a film. It's much easier to visualise your own work in the same way then, I think.
\"Abandoned\" is available from www.lulu.com/content/2072117<br /><br />\"the Dragon\'s Promise is available from<br />www.lulu.com/content/8075592<br />visit my website at www.jeanettemccarthy.co.uk