Author Topic: New Member  (Read 836 times)

Offline Leon S. Gottlieb

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New Member
« on: March 01, 2020, 01:40:09 PM »
Hi. I'm Leon S. Gottlieb. I have had several years as a member of a writing group in Florida which meets once a week to critique each others writing. I have completed three courtroom drama books and seek a last review of the trilogy before p[ublishing them.

I look forward to reviewing your works and assure you I will make suggestions without trying to cramp your style. I do have a fair knowledge of the writing rules, but I recognize there is a time to break the rules.

Here's seen from Impossible.

Grandpa talking to David, his grandson.

“The DNA tests came back positive. How can you explain the sperm test DNA? How do you explain your blood in her apartment — where you told me you’ve never been?” Jabbing his finger at David. “You’ve been jerking me around. You would let me walk you into the courtroom and watch you get trampled by the stampede of questions the prosecutor would ask!” Fred backed away two steps. “WHAT THE HELL’S WRONG WITH YOU?”

Rising from his seat. “THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE,” David shouted back. “I can’t explain it! I’m telling you I haven’t touched her in a long time.”

“DON’T BULLSHIT ME,” Fred shouted, getting right in David’s space. “There are three people you never lie to, your doctor, your attorney, and your grandfather. To do so could have dire consequences.”

“Grandpa, I’m not lying.”

“How stupid do you think I am? I may be getting old, but I still know how a guy’s sperm gets into a girl’s vagina. Since your sperm can only come from one place, what do you expect me to believe? Either you had consensual sex with her, or you raped her. Wake up. This isn’t a game!” Now eye to eye, “WHICH WAS IT?”

With a downtrodden look, on the verge of tears, David said, “I didn’t rape her or even touch her for three months before her claim of rape.”

“So, explain how you’re the DNA got where it was found?”

In a defeated tone, hands held high in the air, in a surrender position, “I can’t.”

 “Stop bullshitting me.”

“Grandpa, I would never lie to you. I’m baffled, but I didn’t rape her, and I didn’t have sex with her. I don’t know where the evidence came from, but I didn’t put it where it was found.

As you can see, I DO BREAK THE RULES.

Offline JTetstone

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Re: New Member
« Reply #1 on: March 05, 2020, 09:52:24 AM »
Hello and Welcome to MWC.
It's a waste of time to try to teach a heart writer rules for writing.. Smile. jt

Offline Olesia

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Re: New Member
« Reply #2 on: March 11, 2020, 06:19:51 AM »
Hi Leon S. Gottlieb,

Welcome to MWC, happy to have you here.

We're looking forward to your contribution as seems like you're professional rule breaker and critic :)

There aren’t a lot of rules here as we want to give everyone creative freedom, we ask that you respect fellow community members and help us maintain a friendly place.

Start by checking out the different threads, you’ll find Sticky topics at the top of each one which shares a bit about the thread and the purpose it serves, try to use the relevant thread for your topics and if you can’t find one shoot us a PM so we can help!

One rule often missed by new members is the 2000 max word count for posts in Review My Work, 1500 max for posts in Review My Script and 100 lines in Review My Poetry. A reasonable limit considering critiques are often quite detailed. You will gain valuable feedback more easily digested in bite-sized chunks.

Please Take Note: With the exception of The Gallery, any work posted in the prose or poetry boards is subject to review by fellow members. You may find some critiques to be worthwhile. Some you may feel do not fit your work. Virtually all are an honest effort to help you improve your writing. Take what you find useful and disregard the rest. This is how we learn our craft.

As a newbie to MWC, you will not be able to edit your posts until you have reached the 50-post milestone. Should be easy, especially if you spend some time on the Games thread. It will also improve your vocabulary and hopefully bring on a few laughs. Have fun.

Once again welcome to MWC!

Offline RichardBreaux

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Re: New Member
« Reply #3 on: June 01, 2020, 03:41:58 PM »
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Offline JTetstone

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Re: New Member
« Reply #4 on: June 01, 2020, 03:46:34 PM »
Yes RichardBreaux,its true.Some spammers make lots of money.....A lot of the time, illegally. jt
It's a waste of time to try to teach a heart writer rules for writing.. Smile. jt

Offline PIJ1951

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Re: New Member
« Reply #5 on: June 02, 2020, 05:03:00 AM »
I appreciate this excerpt is a brief snapshot of your work, but a number of things stood out. Feel free to ignore my observations, but here goes.

Firstly, capitalising words (especially dialogue) to make a speech appear more dramatic or forceful is a rookie error. It looks amateurish. If you choose the right words, there's no need for fancy punctuation to make them stand out.

The conversation seems to be stuck in a loop. Grandpa thinks he's being told a lie - we got that the first time he said it. Repeating the same accusation doesn't make the scene any more tension-filled, trust me.

I'm also concerned that the grandpa/grandson relationship is a distraction that makes the set-up less believable. Their conversation is difficult to take seriously. It's like a cheesy episode of Perry Mason made for daytime TV.

Also it's worth noting how times have moved on in this genre. Most readers are well-informed now and will spot a procedural or forensic error a mile off. Was the DNA test based on a sperm sample or a blood sample? Have you researched how long DNA is preserved inside a vagina? Most rape cases rely on samples being taken within the first 24 hours. Three months seems a long shot.

Breaking the rules is fine - but you need to understand the rules before you decide to ignore them. Thanks for sharing.