Author Topic: Hunter, Chapter 1  (Read 215 times)

Offline eharries

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Hunter, Chapter 1
« on: February 17, 2020, 10:03:18 AM »
Hi all,
I'm new to this board and any feedback on my Chapter 1 of a YA novel, 'Hunter' would be greatly appreciated. Some mature themes.
Many thanks.

I let out another shiver as the icy wind slapped against my bare flesh. I was regretting my rash clothing decision of a practically non-existent miniskirt. Instead of feeling sexy, I felt like a slut and I supposed the cold was my punishment. I fingered the rough edges, willing it to grow a few inches longer. As if to mock me, it flew up as another gust of wind hit me, exposing my underwear to the car park. At least it was deserted. With one hand firmly on the bottom of my skirt, I reached into my bag to check my mobile for the hundredth time. Nothing. Impatiently, I dialled Scott’s number once more. Straight to answerphone.
I huffed loudly and began to pace to warm up my legs. I caught sight of my reflection in a darkened car window and checked myself over self-consciously. A face with heavy set eyeliner, silky straight chocolate hair falling in front of her eyes and red stained lips stared back at me, wearing an expression of mild confusion as though she couldn’t really believe this was me. I looked away quickly, not wanting to look at her any longer.
I stared out at the empty car park waiting for headlights to break through the growing darkness. The acrid tang of petrol hung in the air, laced with the pungent odours of the overflowing bin next to me. Back home in the warmth, this nocturnal venture had seemed thrilling and naughty; now it felt scary, cold and I just wanted to clear this muck off my face and dive under my duvet. Just as I pulled my mobile out one final time to call a taxi, I saw twin headlights twinkling ahead and straightened up warily, not wanting to draw attention to myself if it wasn’t him. My mobile jingled to life in my hand and Scott’s caller ID flashed up on the screen.
‘Babe, I’m here.’
I let out a sigh of relief and hung up without a word, hurrying over to the black Mercedes. He parked neatly in a vacant space and jumped out. Even in the darkness, my heart gave a leap at seeing his beautiful face and I felt a ridiculous grin spread across my face.
‘You’re late’, I chastised, trying to sound mad.
He grinned sheepishly and pulled me hard into an embrace, pressing his warm lips against mine. He tasted of alcohol and laced in with his normal musky aftershave was the distinctive floral tones of a woman’s perfume. I pulled back abruptly, confused.
‘Where were you?’ I forced myself to meet those lovely emerald eyes, trying to hide the concern from my voice.
He laughed.
‘I’m here now aren’t I?’
I frowned. Scott put an arm around my shoulder and led me towards his car, opening the passenger door for me. I sat down, contemplating whether to interrogate him further and potentially sound like the scared sixteen year-old that I was, or just go with it. I was so caught up in my own thoughts that it was only when the car had started that I realised we were not alone. In the rear-view mirror I could make out a boy and a girl on the backseat. The girl was sitting in the middle seat, an attractive blonde of about seventeen or eighteen. Her eyes were wide like a doe’s, and glazed over as she stared into space. The guy looked vaguely familiar; one of Scott’s friends whom I had met once or twice, tall, with copper hair and the chiselled features of a model.
‘Who are your friends?’ I asked Scott quietly, my mouth feeling slightly dry.
He grinned widely like a Cheshire cat.
‘They wanted to join the party.’
My eyes locked on the blonde girl once more. She was swaying slightly; her face had a pale, ghostly pallor. Scott caught my uneasy expression and took my hand into his lap, giving it a firm squeeze. I looked away from him, out the passenger window at the blurred streetlights flashing by, feeling nauseous.
‘Come on Kit Kat, don’t be mad. I’m sorry I was late’, he cooed, tracing a finger around the sensitive part of my palm, ‘You look hot, by the way.’
His eyes flickered hungrily over my low top and the skirt that had now ridden right up to barely cover my pants. I allowed him a small smile, my cheeks pink from the compliment. He leant across me to reach into the glove box and withdrew a bottle of something and pressed it into my hands.
‘For you’.
I shook my head, eying the contents of the bottle suspiciously. He sighed impatiently.
‘Come on babe, live a little. A little drink isn’t going to kill you.’
Unable to resist the challenge in his voice, I unscrewed the cap and took a large gulp. The liquid scorched my throat as it slipped down and I spluttered.
‘What is this?’
He laughed at my reaction, reaching down and squeezing my thigh.
‘Good girl. It’s my own signature cocktail. Like it?’
I laughed, feeling the tension that had been building inside me relinquish its grasp.
‘It tastes like rocket fuel.’
I offered him a swig. He pretended to look horrified.
‘Babe, I’m driving.’
I giggled. The sip of drink had given me some Dutch courage.
‘Live a little’, I pouted.
‘Touché.’
In a swift motion, he leaned over and gave me a quick, feisty kiss, all hot lips and probing tongue, which left me feeling flustered and hungry for more. Hormones and alcohol sped through my blood, a heady, potent cocktail which made me light-headed and my body responsive to him. He slammed the speakers on and a heavy bass vibrated through the car. The streetlights had thinned out and we turned onto a minor road. More time passed as we moved onto more deserted streets until eventually Scott indicated off the main road onto a dirt track. My anxiety returned, fluttering at the edges of my heart, my brain suddenly alert, warning lights flicked on.
‘Where are we going?’
Scott turned the speakers down to a gentle thrum and grinned.
‘The party’.
Trees flickered in front of the headlights, their long shadows snatching at the car as we drove on. They became thicker and thicker on either side, sheltering us from the moonlight. I tried to steady my breathing to dispel my frightened thoughts. Stop being such a scaredy-cat. I took another sip from the bottle for courage and the hot liquid felt comforting as it caressed my throat.
After what seemed like an eternity, the track widened out into a small clearing. Gnarled trees surrounded us like a witch’s coven, hatching a spell. Scott hit a button on the dashboard, severing the music completely. I became conscious of the heavy breathing of the two behind me, the claustrophobic feeling of being trapped in a metal cage. In a swift motion, I made a grab for the car door, suddenly desperate for fresh air, a hot flush racing up my whole body, my breathing laboured. It was locked. I caught sight of Copper-Hair staring at me through the wing mirror, unblinking like a lion surveying its prey.
‘Scott, let me out’. The panic crept into my voice, tearing at my vocal cords.
‘Hey’, he soothed, ‘It’s ok’.
He disabled the central locking and I stumbled out the passenger door, taking deep, greedy breaths of the cold night air. There was a gentle thud as the car doors closed; the others had followed suit. Copper-Hair was surveying me with a lazy smile; the lion teasing its prey. He looked me up and down, eyes lingering on the hem of my skirt, the neck of my top. I crossed my arms across my body, feeling as though he had stripped me with his eyes. Scott sauntered over, pulling me into a tight embrace.
‘Feeling ok?’ he asked softly against my ear.
I nodded, though panic still coursed through my blood, doing battle with the calming effects of the alcohol. He pulled me closer against his body, hands dropping to my waist, smoothing over my arse, fiddling with the edges of my tiny skirt. I tried to pull away, aware we had an audience but he only pulled me more firmly against him, hands reaching up underneath my skirt, kissing me aggressively, roughly. I murmured a protest against his lips, until eventually he pulled back. I glared up at him, angry at him for ignoring me. His beautiful emerald eyes twinkled in amusement at my pissed off expression.
‘Dress like that and you can’t blame me if I can’t take my hands off you’, he said with a shrug, totally unapologetic.
‘Where’s the party?’ I demanded, still glaring at him.
‘I guess we’re early’, he smirked, hand slipping beneath my skirt. With difficulty, I wriggled away from him and gave him a scathing look.
‘Alright,’ he said eventually, ‘We’re the party.’ He gestured around at the other two.
The blonde girl was leaning up against the car door, swaying slightly. She began to hum a sad little tune under her breath. Copper-Hair had taken hold of her arm, pulling her closer to him. I turned away from them all, my head spinning. The tree branches creaked in the wind, joining in with the girl’s morbid song. I felt Scott touch my arm pulling me towards him as though in slow motion. His hands crawled all over me, grabbing possessively. I pulled away once more and stumbled, my feet buckling from underneath me. I couldn’t understand it; I’d only had a few sips of drink and yet it was like I was wasted.
‘Whoa, easy’. A different pair of hands caught me. I turned around as though in slow motion and found the voice belonged to Copper-Hair. He smelt like Scott; expensive aftershave mixed in with alcohol. Instinct told me to get away from the stranger, but my body felt disconnected to my brain. Scott’s face appeared in front of me, distorted in my current state, eyes penetrating.
‘What’s wrong with me?’ My voice sounded distant, like it wasn’t my own.
He cupped my face, grinning.
‘Babe, you’re very drunk.’
The copper-haired stranger grabbed me roughly, lips bashing against mine, hands fumbling under my skirt, pushing roughly against my underwear. I tried to pull away and skidded on the loose stones carpeting the forest clearing, losing my footing. Scott’s shouts rattled off the treetops, cascading down into my ears.
‘That’s enough, Leo.’
I was being pulled roughly to my feet once more. My body wasn’t responding properly; it was as though I were a puppet whose strings had been cut.
‘Scott’, I called out groggily.
Scott took hold of my arm, easing me away from Leo, towards the car. I let out a sigh of relief to be away from the copper-haired guy. When we reached the car, Scott pushed me up against it roughly, pushing his tongue into my mouth like a serpent’s forked tongue. My body responded to his against my wishes, moving to his touch, out of control. I began to shake with the effort of trying to combat whatever was happening to my body. His arms caged me in his embrace. I could feel the desire radiating off his body and a wave of fear washed over my body. Not like this. He leant in, nipping gently at my ear.
‘Shh’, he breathed in my ear, ‘Just go with it.’
I shook my head, the wood around me spinning like a merry-go-round.
‘Go with what?’ my voice was hysterical.
‘Don’t worry; you probably won’t remember a thing.’ He hitched up my skirt.
The wood became very hazy, trees blurring together into the ground that seemed to tremble beneath me. The icy wind beat hard against my bare legs, trying its best to tear through my clothes. Then, everything went black.

Offline Olesia

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Re: Hunter, Chapter 1
« Reply #1 on: February 25, 2020, 06:16:58 AM »
Hi eharries,

Welcome to My Writers Circle, we appreciate you sharing your work with us!

To make things more personal we would love to learn more about you, please post an intro on the Welcome Board. Let us know what part of the world you're in, how long you have been writing and how you found us.

Looking forward to learning more about you and seeing you as an active member within the community!
Olesia