Author Topic: New Adult Romance - Prologue - please review my work and give me opinions.  (Read 122 times)

maiflower

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DELETED. since the replies I got are not very experienced into the new adult romance department and don't really get the kind of writing in the romance genre.
« Last Edit: February 06, 2020, 05:18:13 PM by maiflower »

Offline Dustin91

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Hi maiflower,

Romance has never been a favorite genre of mine, so my opinion may not be as valuable as some, but hopefully I can offer something you find helpful.

It seems you know a bit about writing fiction. You do a good job of sticking to one tense where complete novices tend to switch at random. Your punctuation is sound.  Your paragraphs are generally well-structured.

Unfortunately there were a few even more basic problems that rendered this story dead on arrival.

1. The story is completely buried under superfluous description and flowery imagery.
2. The story itself is lacking, in that there's no sense of suspense or tension or anything to pique the reader's interest. Even romance readers need more from their characters than stupefying infatuation.
3. Prologues in general can often be jettisoned at no loss to the story as a whole, and whatever backstory the author needs the reader to know can be drip-fed in later chapters. My guess is Chapter 1 jumps forward in time; our narrator is older, and the romance between her and the prince/king is beset by classist tradition and/or some feudalist revolts or something of the sort, which would be much more interesting and engaging. After reading through this prologue, I think your story would lose very little in cutting this scene and starting closer to the action.

Thank you for being brave enough to share your work on a public forum. I hope you find the help you are looking for here.

Dustin


Offline PIJ1951

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I'm not a romance fan either - but one thing immediately leapt off the page. A love story involving an 8-year-old and an adult? Sounds ultra-creepy to me.

Offline Dustin91

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Quote
DELETED. since the replies I got are not very experienced into the new adult romance department and don't really get the kind of writing in the romance genre.

I admit I'm relatively inexperienced with romance, let alone "new" "adult" romance, whatever that is, but I think I understand Story regardless of the genre (or in your case, some unknown sub-genre). Your story has massive problems entirely unrelated to genre, as described in my previous comment.

For the record, and perhaps for your own insight into the genre (because I have the feeling you are the one who doesn't "get" it), here is a link to a romantic short story I very much enjoyed recently. Perhaps you can learn what contemporary pros (aka "new" authors actually getting published) are up to in your genre.

https://everydayfiction.com/the-dress-by-jennifer-brophy/

Best of luck,
Dustin