Author Topic: listen for her  (Read 893 times)

Offline TK

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listen for her
« on: February 03, 2020, 06:49:43 PM »
the,     

###

     Ilaya puked in the garbage and screamed at the top of her lungs. She didnít know Chinese
anymore, but that didnít stop her from knowing Chinese anymore. She didnít know Chinese
anymore. And then she spoke in English.
     ďHello, I am not here.Ē
     And then she screamed.
     And then she screamed
     And eht  a tkf a;e
this is not a,     ;
~T.C.

Offline PIJ1951

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Re: listen for her
« Reply #1 on: February 04, 2020, 06:46:15 AM »
It looks like you pressed 'post' before previewing what you entered in the text box because this fragment doesn't make a lot of sense on its own.
I'm not sure how she screamed 'at the top of her lungs' (?) whether she was vomiting at the same time or not - and the bit about not knowing Chinese but still knowing it. . . it's a muddle.

Offline TK

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Re: listen for her
« Reply #2 on: February 27, 2020, 10:18:15 AM »
Yeah, it is a muddle. I like your interpretation.

If I may explain a little, everything in this post was intentional. Starting with "the,". Any time I've had a mental block and wanted to force out a thought, all that comes out is "the,". Next line, "###" is indicative of my frame of mind when going into the next flow of thought in place of the word "gun", which is hinted at by the shape of the prose. This also is supposed to set the tone of the piece as kind of political commentary as well as a personal piece.

I'm glad all of the meaning isn't outwardly available.
~T.C.

Offline PIJ1951

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Re: listen for her
« Reply #3 on: February 27, 2020, 10:47:06 AM »
Political commentary? Lol

I guess you wrote this without a thought for the reader.

Offline TK

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Re: listen for her
« Reply #4 on: May 13, 2020, 12:47:22 AM »
No, I had a specific kind of reader in mind. I was looking to get some feedback on the piece I posted. Ridicule is welcome as well, I guess, but I'd also urge you to not waste your time typing more ridicule, because it serves no purpose.
~T.C.

Offline maryhughes

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Re: listen for her
« Reply #5 on: May 16, 2020, 02:17:05 PM »
I guess I am not that reader as the post doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

Offline j2burg

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Re: listen for her
« Reply #6 on: May 26, 2020, 02:16:34 PM »
Itís good to push boundaries and try something new, however creative endeavours need to do 2 things; say something and connect with people and this does neither.

If you think of the original artists, poets and novelists of the last 50 years they have done these 2 things. They have communicated an idea, but there is nothing here to think about.

Are you able to explain what, Ďa tfk a;e,í means in a way that people would understand, because on the page it makes no sense.


Offline PIJ1951

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Re: listen for her
« Reply #7 on: May 27, 2020, 05:57:26 AM »
I'm glad all of the meaning isn't outwardly available.

The fundamental problem here is that without meaning the reader has nothing to interpret. . . so you're writing for your own self-satisfaction and no one else's. There's nothing wrong with that, but don't expect us to give your work a second thought.

Offline Tenacious G

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Re: listen for her
« Reply #8 on: June 01, 2020, 04:22:13 PM »
I read your post, and then I read your comment. I think with a little bit of a heads up and added context, I could appreciate your direction. Without the direction, it just seems like it immediately breaks that fourth wall, pulls me out of your story, and makes me think about how the actual author made a typographical error. Not that it happened in the story. Thanks for sharing, TK