Author Topic: Cardinal Love  (Read 718 times)

Offline anewbeginning

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Cardinal Love
« on: January 06, 2020, 03:53:03 PM »
I am writing my first poem, its my anniversary coming up and I want to get this perfect, any and all feed back is appreciated :)

We meet like lines, perpendicularly
Creating a perfect corner, creating satisfaction
Invader of your dreams – adversity
Rewarding deep slumbers, it takes them

Your heart, as warm as a blacksmiths iron
Constantly hit and shaped, forced to remould
Despite the constant attacks, you're defiant
Unable to be controlled

Your world is a place of ever-changing landscapes
The sky and mountains never the same
Worlds composition, changing at labyrinths pace
Your feet fixed firmly in position, their aim?

Only you know my dear,
Only you can determine the outcome,
Here's to 1 year
Loving you, it's a rule of thumb.

Offline Olesia

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Re: Cardinal Love
« Reply #1 on: January 08, 2020, 10:30:04 AM »
Hi anewbeginning!

Welcome to My Writers Circle, we’re happy to have you as part of the community!

Thanks for sharing your poetry with us. Please post an intro on the Welcome Board so we can know you better.

As part of the rules of this community we ask that you first review and offer feedback on others work before asking for help, it's a give and take kind of lifestyle here   ;)

Once again welcome to MWC!

Offline writeconts

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Re: Cardinal Love
« Reply #2 on: February 02, 2020, 02:22:43 PM »
To my mind, the last line doesn't sound like intense love precisely, unless a rule of thumb references something automatic and perfect in a blacksmith's repertoire somehow.