Author Topic: The Bird Call (Plot Synopsis, 187 words)  (Read 71 times)

Offline ChabnerKerp

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The Bird Call (Plot Synopsis, 187 words)
« on: December 30, 2019, 05:12:13 PM »
The Traveler lands in the body of an elderly woman in a country previously unknown to them at a time when a dark fog covers the world. In order to save humanity from whatever lurks in the fog, the Traveler connects to three new people that best fit the bill to help save humanity.

Kamroan, possibly the youngest person alive, celebrates his twenty-fifth birthday at his home with his closest friends and family in Livoak when the fog comes. Bhennan and his co-worker Lumza get stuck in the middle of nowhere on a train from Dovini on the way to Kamroan’s party when the fog comes. Sommie starts to see the flaws in her family’s cult-like religion when the fog comes.

After Kamroan is outed as a magician, Mitzie (Kamroan’s sister and Bhennan’s fiancee) goes missing from the party, so Kamroan sets off to find her, and Bhennan, unable to contain his worries, does the same, thinking she’ll be safe at Kamroan’s party. Meanwhile Sommie is forced to go all in with her family’s religion or risk being put to death as an unbeliever.
~T.C.

Offline PIJ1951

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Re: The Bird Call (Plot Synopsis, 187 words)
« Reply #1 on: December 31, 2019, 08:20:05 AM »
It's good that you have stuck with 3 short paragraphs for your synopsis - short is best. But I found it almost impossible to follow. You appear to have three disconnected plots here all competing with each other.

Plot 1 revolves around the Traveler.
The Traveler lands in the body of an elderly woman in a country previously unknown to them at a time when a dark fog covers the world. In order to save humanity from whatever lurks in the fog, the Traveler connects to three new people that best fit the bill to help save humanity.
I have no idea who 'them' are supposed to be.

Plot 2 features Kamroan and some other people stranded on a train.
Kamroan, possibly the youngest person alive, celebrates his twenty-fifth birthday at his home with his closest friends and family in Livoak when the fog comes. Bhennan and his co-worker Lumza get stuck in the middle of nowhere on a train from Dovini on the way to Kamroan’s party when the fog comes. Sommie starts to see the flaws in her family’s cult-like religion when the fog comes.
Sommie appears from nowhere and has no connection to the rest of this sub-plot as far as I can see.

Plot 3 is about Mitzie's disappearance from Kamroan's party.
After Kamroan is outed as a magician, Mitzie (Kamroan’s sister and Bhennan’s fiancee) goes missing from the party, so Kamroan sets off to find her, and Bhennan, unable to contain his worries, does the same, thinking she’ll be safe at Kamroan’s party. Meanwhile Sommie is forced to go all in with her family’s religion or risk being put to death as an unbeliever.
Being outed as a magician is problematic since there has been no mention of magic up to now - and again I see no connection between Sommie and the rest of the story.

We also have six characters to get to grips with in total - that's far too many at this early stage. Lumza can be safely discarded for now. And the same goes for the Traveler and Sommie unless you can show how they fit in with the rest of the plot. As it stands none of these random plot threads appear to be linked. The only common denominator is the fog which does not bode well for the way you have constructed the story itself.