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fermented visions

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dlp:
Deep!
Deeper than deep!
So the serpent moans.
Tortured by fermented visions, wrenched from the depths,
from the bowels and bunions of its sub-cortical animations.

Morbid.
Morbidly, my impecunious howls.
Bemoaning the sweet panther.

Animals!
Yes, animals! More animals!

Lest we forget.

JTetstone:
dlp, this one lost me after "serpent moans"

"Tortured by fermented visions, wrenched from the depths,
from the bowels and bunions of its sub-cortical animations."

Mental states in moving shapes pretty well sums up what your
poem conveys to me.

If nothing else dlp your writings inspire in me the desire to gain a
better insight into what it is I'm reading about.

Just my thoughts.

dlp:
thank you jt for not only reading but commenting on my poem.  I am glad my poem ignites a desire for you to gain a better insight into what it is your reading about.

JTetstone:
You welcome dlp.

pbstud:
Deep!
Deeper than deep!
So the serpent moans.
Tortured by fermented visions, wrenched from the depths,
from the bowels and bunions of its sub-cortical animations.

Morbid.
Morbidly, my impecunious howls.
Bemoaning the sweet panther.

Animals!
Yes, animals! More animals!

Lest we forget.

I really like the beginning. Strong alliteration and the "fermented visions" caught my attention. It's that 5th line that completely throws me out and instead of being drawn into the dream of your poem, I'm am shot out. And then it seems to end suddenly as if I am supposed to care about these animals. That "sub cortical animations" is difficult to comprehend and even care about. The strongest part of the poem that drew me end was about the fermented dream. The last bit about the animals could be a lot stronger but I've been taken out of the vision you are trying to create and also it ends too abruptly as if you expect the reader to know about these animals before you really tell us. Just trying to be helpful and I can see you have talent.

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