Author Topic: Poems Review  (Read 143 times)

Offline Meesh

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Poems Review
« on: August 25, 2019, 08:12:14 AM »
My first try in writing poetry😄

‪On the shore I found hope‬
‪Knotted into a shiny rope ‬
‪Dangling from the sky‬
‪Forming a beautiful smile ‬

Offline aliciakay

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Re: Poems Review
« Reply #1 on: August 31, 2019, 11:27:33 PM »
I liked the overall rhythm of your poem and the upbeat feel to it.  I felt like having a rhyming couplet followed by two non rhyming lines made the rhyming lines feel awkward.  The two halves of the poem didn't seem to match for me.  Also, I'm having trouble visualizing what rope like item could hang from the sky and look like a smile and how this relates to hope.  I think you made a good start but perhaps your poem might be strengthened by elaborating a bit more.

Offline Meesh

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Re: Poems Review
« Reply #2 on: September 01, 2019, 02:33:01 AM »
Dear, Aliciakay

Your advice, of course a precious one, will be taken into consideration. I will make sure to avoid these mistakes next time and try my best to be as clear as daylight. I cannot thank you enough.

Offline JTetstone

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  • Jan Tetstone a/k/s Janice Sanford/nosuchmember
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Re: Poems Review
« Reply #3 on: September 01, 2019, 12:09:14 PM »
I agree with Aliciakay.
I liked the overall rhythm of your poem and the upbeat feel to it.  I felt like having a rhyming couplet followed by two non rhyming lines made the rhyming lines feel awkward.  The two halves of the poem didn't seem to match for me. 

Best of luck with your writing,

jt


“Continuous effort – not strength or intelligence – is the key to unlocking our potential.” – Winston Churchil