Author Topic: New short poem for review  (Read 189 times)

Offline liquidlaughter

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New short poem for review
« on: August 09, 2019, 03:33:36 PM »

THE MOMENT
 
You urge me “seize the moment”
     As I angst about the past.

So, I leap into the future,
     But you murmur “not so fast”;

Then, I back-up to the present,
     Tucked neatly past the past,

Wedged tight before the future,
     And pray the moment lasts.

Offline JTetstone

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  • Jan Tetstone a/k/s Janice Sanford/nosuchmember
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Re: New short poem for review
« Reply #1 on: August 11, 2019, 08:16:18 PM »
THE MOMENT
 
You urge me “seize the moment”
     As I angst about the past.

So, I leap into the future,
     But you murmur “not so fast”;

Then, I back-up to the present,
     Tucked neatly past the past,

Wedged tight before the future,
     And pray the moment lasts.


I love the poem.  But I saw a few things I would change  if I was writing it. Hope you don't mind.   jt

THE MOMENT
 
You urge me “seize the moment”
As I angst about the past.

So, I leap into the future,
But you murmur “not so fast.”

Then, I backup to the present
Tucked neatly past the past,

Wedged tight before the future,
And pray the moment lasts.
Proud to be an American who knows what being an American means.   -Jan Tetstone

Offline liquidlaughter

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Re: New short poem for review
« Reply #2 on: August 12, 2019, 08:49:43 PM »
Jt,

I would welcome your thoughts on the poem.  How might you change it? Thanks, liquidlaughter

Offline pbstud

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Re: New short poem for review
« Reply #3 on: September 15, 2019, 01:55:20 AM »
No critique. I just like it. Not sure if there is anything I'd change.