Author Topic: New short poem for review  (Read 898 times)

Offline liquidlaughter

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New short poem for review
« on: August 09, 2019, 03:33:36 PM »

THE MOMENT
 
You urge me “seize the moment”
     As I angst about the past.

So, I leap into the future,
     But you murmur “not so fast”;

Then, I back-up to the present,
     Tucked neatly past the past,

Wedged tight before the future,
     And pray the moment lasts.

Offline JTetstone

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  • Jan Tetstone a/k/s Janice Sanford/nosuchmember
    • heartsong's Poetry Diary
Re: New short poem for review
« Reply #1 on: August 11, 2019, 08:16:18 PM »
THE MOMENT
 
You urge me “seize the moment”
     As I angst about the past.

So, I leap into the future,
     But you murmur “not so fast”;

Then, I back-up to the present,
     Tucked neatly past the past,

Wedged tight before the future,
     And pray the moment lasts.


I love the poem.  But I saw a few things I would change  if I was writing it. Hope you don't mind.   jt

THE MOMENT
 
You urge me “seize the moment”
As I angst about the past.

So, I leap into the future,
But you murmur “not so fast.”

Then, I backup to the present
Tucked neatly past the past,

Wedged tight before the future,
And pray the moment lasts.
Because I care...

Offline liquidlaughter

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Re: New short poem for review
« Reply #2 on: August 12, 2019, 08:49:43 PM »
Jt,

I would welcome your thoughts on the poem.  How might you change it? Thanks, liquidlaughter

Offline pbstud

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Re: New short poem for review
« Reply #3 on: September 15, 2019, 01:55:20 AM »
No critique. I just like it. Not sure if there is anything I'd change.