My first page of my new script

[Hunter]

INT. SPACESHIP - NIGHT

TURNER, 40s, with his suit tied to his waist, enters the bridge.
                         
                                             TURNER
                       Report.

An inhuman voice, KIRA, speaks.

                                             KIRA (O.S.)
                       Twenty-eight days.

A younger man, STEVE, sits at a monitor. He swivels around to Turner, points at the window.
                                             STEVE
                       Hey, Cap’, you need to see this.

Turner sets his gaze to the window - a dark hole in their path.

                                           TURNER
                      What the hell is that?

JOHN, 30s, turns his attention to it.

                                           JOHN
                      It sure as shit isn‘t a black hole.

                                          TURNER
                     We wouldn’t be having this conversation
                     if it were.

STACEY, next to John, speaks.
                                       
                                          STACEY
                     Vortex?

Turner turns to the pilot, NATHAN.
                 
                                         TURNER
                    Why are we moving closer to it?

Nathan looks as if he’s seen a ghost.

                                        NATHAN
                    It‘s not me. It’s pulling u — —

— — The spaceship RATTLES and suddenly gets sucked into it.


                                                                  FADE TO BLACK.

[JenEngland]

The mystery and suspense are nice, like a well-wrapped gift. The understated abduction suggests that the evil waiting on the other side has very little regard for human life, like the respect a street cleaner might have for the garbage he sweeps up.

'Why are we moving closer to it?' doesn't suggest to the reader that Nathan should be the one responsible for the ship's trajectory. Perhaps something obvious like, "Why are you steering us right into it?" contrasts more dramatically with Nathan's line, "It's not me. It's pulling u — —," and magnifies the significance.

Again, nice start.

[pbstud]

Interesting enough. A bit quick to the punch but I guess that's to be expected. Wondering though. You open with it being NIGHT. It's space. What is the meaning of night?