Author Topic: The Scars, 432 word count, ((Mild adult theme))  (Read 217 times)

Offline rachelleclimbeck

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The Scars, 432 word count, ((Mild adult theme))
« on: January 31, 2019, 08:39:18 PM »
ďThe ScarsĒ:
I remember
The sweet feeling of resting in your arms, so softly.
I did not see yet how terrible you could be.
And the severity of suffering you could inflict on me
always made the small gestures of kindness seem more extreme.

Never did I think
that your embrace was anything but a refuge from the world.
You were my protector, my lover, my other half, my better half, my instigator of fun, my laughing partner, my cheerer upper, my father figure, my soulmate, my everything, my night sky; you were my breathtaking moon and glimmering, shimmering stars, filling the vastness of space.

Truly, I wanted nothing more than to be yours, just yours, and you mine,
for all eternity,
till the end of time.

Words cannot express the soul-shattering, mind blowing, all encompassing, overwhelming depth of my desperate love for you,
begging, pleading, needing.

I needed you to help me feel less broken.
I am nothing, nobody; a formless void of sheer agony, unwanted, unseen, unimportant
I was invisible and you saw me.
For years I saw you as my safety, my support, my acceptance, my darling

We were vines, fully intertwined, aligned,
and in the ecstasy of your embrace, the joy of your attention,
I didnít see your thorns, trickling crimson bloodódrip, drop, plop.

The dishonesty of your kindness leaves me reeling, unsteady.

You lay me down in our Ford truck, our home
Tenderly, in the freezing, bitter, ice cold you made a bed of our clothes
Underneath fluffy pillows, trapping our sweet heat, shivering, breath misty white, quiet silence.
Iím wrapped in our closeness, side by side, hand in hand.

We were on the beach once, naked in Florida, soft, squishy wet stand
Warm water lapping at our feet as we ran into the water,
Being tossed and shaken and slammed on the shore by the tide, laughing and laughing.

Never did I hasten to think that it could be you that was making me sink.

Finally, towards the end, I see what you have been doing to me;
You sell my body for drugs, money, or give me to others completely for free.
You yell at me, cheat on me, ignore me, lie to me, tell me Iím crazy, hit me, coerce me.

Your vines, our entanglement, all an illusion, a lie
All that was real was your thorns, sharp, poking, stabbing, cutting
I painfully, in agony, let you go.
Broken, devastated, alone, aching, heart broken, betrayed,
Dismayed,
Afraid,
Iíll always carry the horrific scars
From not seeing the person inside that you really are.

Offline landmersm

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Re: The Scars, 432 word count, ((Mild adult theme))
« Reply #1 on: February 01, 2019, 04:45:26 PM »
Should this be in the poetry section?  RMW is typically for prose.That being said, I'm not sure what you're going for here. I don't know that it'd work for poetry for, either. Maybe as a letter?

I get the feeling this my be personal for you, which is fine, but maybe look around in the different forums and READ THE STICKY and see if you're posting in the right spot.  If you're truly looking for feedback, find the right spot first.

Best of luck
My blog is  https://betterdevil.wordpress.com/  (It's new-ish!)

Also, check out my self-published first novel, The Last Time

@ http://a.co/d/hP980yk  (Amazon link)

Offline heartsongjt

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Re: The Scars, 432 word count, ((Mild adult theme))
« Reply #2 on: February 01, 2019, 06:41:26 PM »
Should this be in the poetry section?  RMW is typically for prose.That being said, I'm not sure what you're going for here. I don't know that it'd work for poetry for, either. Maybe as a letter?

I get the feeling this my be personal for you, which is fine, but maybe look around in the different forums and READ THE STICKY and see if you're posting in the right spot.  If you're truly looking for feedback, find the right spot first.

Best of luck

I agree... this should be in poetry section.  Poetry doesn't have to follow rules?

That there are no rules--it's all up to you! Of course there are different poetic forms and devices, and free verse poems are one of the many poetic styles; they have no structure when it comes to format or even rhyming. ... A free or blank verse poem doesn't follow any specific guidelines.

Not having 50 posts, once something is posted one cannot edit their work. I believe Rachelle, did ask about posting, in one of her comments. Won't be the first time a new member posted on the wrong board.
   
landmersm, I'm glad to see you posting more.       
Jan
Words are Weapons of Demons and Saints

Offline landmersm

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Re: The Scars, 432 word count, ((Mild adult theme))
« Reply #3 on: February 03, 2019, 08:54:27 PM »

   
landmersm, I'm glad to see you posting more.       
Jan

I keep checking back to see if there's some excitement. I really, really wish there was more going on here. It's awful quiet. A terrific site, and I've had some wonderful interactions here.  Just wish there was more.
My blog is  https://betterdevil.wordpress.com/  (It's new-ish!)

Also, check out my self-published first novel, The Last Time

@ http://a.co/d/hP980yk  (Amazon link)

Offline heartsongjt

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Re: The Scars, 432 word count, ((Mild adult theme))
« Reply #4 on: February 04, 2019, 12:09:10 AM »
I keep checking back to see if there's some excitement. I really, really wish there was more going on here. It's awful quiet. A terrific site, and I've had some wonderful interactions here.  Just wish there was more.

It's a 'terrific site' because of writers ,like yourself, who don't mind taking the time to comment on writings of complete strangers. This site begin with a group of writers who saw it as a way to help new writers....  It's the MWC members who inspire greatness in others who make MWC  terrific. I count you among them landmersm.   Thank you, Jan
Words are Weapons of Demons and Saints