Author Topic: Battle of the Heart  (Read 255 times)

Offline LunaStar

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Battle of the Heart
« on: December 13, 2018, 01:49:42 PM »
Praise or Criticism, or both PLEASE AND THANK YOU!  ;D ;D


Battle of the Heart

Thump, Thump
Hard and fast my heart ache beats
like a stone it falls, heavy, down from my head,
with a rumbling, pounding rhythm
the sharp and forceful beats
of a stone thrown hard against cold concrete
this stalling, this still, this constant pain...
ripping, tearing through me, hard, fast
from bone to vain

Pit pat
my cold heart struggles
to pump the last of it's scarlet fluid
pass the reservoirs, to break the levees,
those barriers, strong and wide
not yet ready to surrender,
to bow their heads down before those waters
forcing their way in, without permission.

Boom Boom
wills clash in a never ending struggle
A battle even on both sides is too much trouble.
Far, far my burning eyes stare
into the deep, bleak oblivion of my ceiling, bare
Crying, searching desperately to find
the strength to overpower this pain,
this war, this pointless battle.
To scream louder than the drums
and the cries of war of the scarlet waters.

To stand stronger than the levees
reaching out both hands,
demanding, commanding,
peace.

To lift my voice up
screaming, shouting,
No More, No More, No More
I only wish
to sleep!









« Last Edit: December 15, 2018, 05:22:09 PM by LunaStar »

Online heartsongjt

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Re: Battle of the Heart
« Reply #1 on: December 13, 2018, 02:23:52 PM »
Praise or Criticism, or both PLEASE AND THANK YOU!  ;D ;D


Battle of the Heart


Thump, Thump

Hard and fast my heart ache beats

like a stone it falls, heavy, down from my head,

with a rumbling, pounding rhythm

the sharp and forceful beats

of a stone thrown hard against cold concrete

this stalling, this still, this constant pain,

ripping, tearing through me, hard, fast

from bone to vain


Pit pat

my cold heart struggles

to pump the last of it's scarlet fluid

pass the reservoirs, to break the levees,

those barriers, strong and wide

not yet ready to surrender,

to bow their heads down before those waters

forcing their way in, without permission.


Boom Boom

wills clash in a never ending struggle

A battle even on both sides is too much trouble.

Far, far my burning eyes stare

into the deep, bleak oblivion of my ceiling, bare

Crying, searching desperately to find

the strength to overpower this pain,

this war, this pointless battle.

To scream louder than the drums

and the cries of war of the scarlet waters.


To stand stronger than the levees

reaching out both hands,

demanding, commanding,

peace.


To lift my voice up

screaming, shouting,

No More, No More, No More

I only wish

to sleep!

Luna, It's a beautiful poem. The spaces threw off the smooth flow. This is just a suggestion for poem layout:

Battle of the Heart

Thump, Thump
Hard and fast my heart ache beats
like a stone it falls, heavy, down from my head,
with a rumbling, pounding rhythm the sharp and
forceful beats of a stone, thrown hard against
cold concrete; this stalling, this still,
this constant pain . . .
ripping, tearing through me, hard, fast from
bone to vain

Pit pat
my cold heart struggles to pump the last of it's
scarlet fluid pass the reservoirs, to break the levees,
those barriers, strong and wide  not yet ready to surrender,
to bow their heads down before those waters forcing
their way in, without permission.

Boom Boom
wills clash in a never ending struggle
A battle even on both sides is too much trouble.
Far, far my burning eyes stare into the deep,
bleak oblivion of my ceiling, bare

Crying, searching desperately to find the strength
to overpower this pain, this war, this pointless battle.
To scream louder than the drums and the cries of war
of the scarlet waters.

To stand stronger than the levees reaching out
both hands, demanding, commanding, peace.
To lift my voice up screaming, shouting,
No More, No More, No More, I only wish to sleep!


« Last Edit: December 13, 2018, 02:26:07 PM by heartsongjt »
Words are Weapons of Demons and Saints

Online heartsongjt

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Re: Battle of the Heart
« Reply #2 on: December 14, 2018, 10:10:03 PM »
Luna, disregard my suggestion. I reread your poem.  It needs nothing but removing the spaces between lines in each stanza.      It's a beautiful poem.     
Words are Weapons of Demons and Saints

Offline LunaStar

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Re: Battle of the Heart
« Reply #3 on: December 15, 2018, 05:16:57 PM »
Thanks so much for the praise, heartsong.  ;D

Online heartsongjt

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Re: Battle of the Heart
« Reply #4 on: December 15, 2018, 06:00:47 PM »
You welcome, Luna.  You have a heart-writer's heart. 
Words are Weapons of Demons and Saints