Author Topic: Life is a Journey  (Read 218 times)

Offline lesbillgates

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    • Les Bill Gates, Author and Freelance Writer
Life is a Journey
« on: November 30, 2018, 01:15:29 PM »
A short poem I wrote for a competition, but didn't win:

Life is a Journey

Life is a journey of triumphs and woes.
Some plan their journey and know where they’re heading.
Others drift along for fear of mistreading,
Where’er the wind blows.

Life is a journey of triumphs and woes.
Some aim to be their best self in all things.
Others have no ambition and fly without wings -
No strings to their bows.

Life is a journey of triumphs and woes.
Some are inward-looking, nationalistic and shun.
Others are dreamers and imagine someday the world will be one -
All will be bro’s.

Life is a journey of triumphs and woes.
Some live in shackles, abused or as slaves.
Others are free spirits who live life to the full all their days,
They have no repose.

Life is a journey of triumphs and woes.
Some hate their neighbours who live in the gutter.
Others love and do good, like the saint of Kolkata
With food and with clothes.

Life is a journey of triumphs and woes.
Some seek only hatred and war.
Others seek peace and all it stands for,
They love their neighbours and their foes.

Life is a journey of triumphs and woes.
Some hate religion and say there is no God.
Others believe their sins are forgiven and washed by His blood -
Sharon’s rose.

Life can be a journey of triumphs, no woes.
This is their journey to becoming free,
The best soul they can ever be,
One who triumphs, and one who knows.



Offline Mark T

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Re: Life is a Journey
« Reply #1 on: November 30, 2018, 04:22:14 PM »

It's Calcutta. The whole poem sounds phoney. Your signature line looks spammy.

JanTetstone

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Re: Life is a Journey
« Reply #2 on: November 30, 2018, 04:31:24 PM »
A short poem I wrote for a competition, but didn't win:

Life is a Journey

Life is a journey of triumphs and woes.
Some plan their journey and know where they’re heading.
Others drift along for fear of mistreading,
Where’er the wind blows.

Life is a journey of triumphs and woes.
Some aim to be their best self in all things.
Others have no ambition and fly without wings -
No strings to their bows.


You seem to say the same thing, using different words:
Life is a journey of triumphs and woes.
Some plan their journey Others drift along ,
Wherever the wind blows.

Life is a journey of triumphs and woes.
Some aim to be their best
Others have no ambition to strings  their
bows.

lesbillgates, I love the feel of the thoughts in the poem.    jt

Offline Mark T

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Re: Life is a Journey
« Reply #3 on: November 30, 2018, 04:58:38 PM »

Report it to a moderator.  ;D

Offline Mark T

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Re: Life is a Journey
« Reply #4 on: December 01, 2018, 02:35:27 AM »

Jan, you have removed/had your post removed, leaving my reply to your comment without context. Your apology to lbg is sufficient without removing your post. I stand by my initial comment.  How is it that a member with 10 posts is able to post a signature? Can someone look into that? 

Offline dlp

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Re: Life is a Journey
« Reply #5 on: December 01, 2018, 02:49:30 AM »
this poem does nothing for me. it's all tell and no show.  you're either this or that. it's very preachy, something i think should never be in poetry, preaching is best left in the pulpit.

JanTetstone

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Re: Life is a Journey
« Reply #6 on: December 01, 2018, 08:43:48 AM »
this poem does nothing for me. it's all tell and no show.  you're either this or that. it's very preachy, something i think should never be in poetry, preaching is best left in the pulpit.

What does nothing for one-may make the day for another.  8)  Have a good day dip.      jt

Offline Mark T

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Re: Life is a Journey
« Reply #7 on: December 02, 2018, 08:17:04 AM »

No, it wasn't.

It's Calcutta. The whole poem sounds phoney. Your signature line looks spammy.

Offline lesbillgates

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    • Les Bill Gates, Author and Freelance Writer
Re: Life is a Journey
« Reply #8 on: December 02, 2018, 06:14:33 PM »
I've no idea what all these comments mean, or how they are relevant to my poem. I posted it in response to: 'Post your poems for review here, and discuss anything related to poetry writing'.
If you have nothing to say about my poem (positive or negative), then please don't comment at all.

JanTetstone

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Re: Life is a Journey
« Reply #9 on: December 02, 2018, 06:22:49 PM »
I've no idea what all these comments mean, or how they are relevant to my poem. I posted it in response to: 'Post your poems for review here, and discuss anything related to poetry writing'.
If you have nothing to say about my poem (positive or negative), then please don't comment at all.

Lesbillgates, It was a misunderstanding about the signature line.  The link that was in your post was out dated and just took one to Go-Daddy.  Sorry.

 I really enjoyed reading your poem, and am looking forward to reading more of your writing.     jt

Offline lesbillgates

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    • Les Bill Gates, Author and Freelance Writer
Re: Life is a Journey
« Reply #10 on: December 02, 2018, 06:58:41 PM »
Thank you, Jan, for your comment. I apologise that the link to Shareyournovel.com was outdated. I closed the site some time ago and failed to check my signature on My Writers Circle. There is, however, still a group of the same name on Linkedin.

To MarkT, the Indian city of Calcuatta has been renamed Kolkata since 2001. Since Mother Teresa died in 1997, I guess you are right.

JanTetstone

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Re: Life is a Journey
« Reply #11 on: December 02, 2018, 07:12:21 PM »
Thank you, Jan, for your comment. I apologise that the link to Shareyournovel.com was outdated. I closed the site some time ago and failed to check my signature on My Writers Circle. There is, however, still a group of the same name on Linkedin.


You welcome Les.
and I do look forward to reading more from you.  Welcome back to MWC.

Online Il Penseroso

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Re: Life is a Journey
« Reply #12 on: December 03, 2018, 03:05:20 PM »
I can see why your poem didn't win. It's all cliches. All tell and no show.
No imagery. Nothing new and fresh.
Doesn't work for me at all.