Author Topic: Question about how my writing is being edited  (Read 1676 times)

Offline indar

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Question about how my writing is being edited
« on: November 21, 2018, 03:12:39 PM »
Which is more correct speaking of cows, explaning herd dynamics:

they form bonds with one another having best forever friends

or

they form bonds with one another and they have best forever friends

The first is an example of how a woman who is editing my writing changes what I have written as it apprears in the second example. I'm not certain if I am just accustomed to my own writing and that's why her changes sound so off to me. The whole herd bonds but within that herd bonding, cows bond more with one other particular cow. (BTW there are bossy ones nobody likes). There are many examples throughout the text (as in the example above) in which she has changed words to "ing" endings which I have always thought is a passive voice---am I right?

Offline heartsongjt

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Re: Question about how my writing is being edited
« Reply #1 on: November 21, 2018, 10:43:15 PM »
Which is more correct speaking of cows, explaning herd dynamics:

they form bonds with one another having best forever friends

or

they form bonds with one another and they have best forever friends

The first is an example of how a woman who is editing my writing changes what I have written as it apprears in the second example. I'm not certain if I am just accustomed to my own writing and that's why her changes sound so off to me. The whole herd bonds but within that herd bonding, cows bond more with one other particular cow. (BTW there are bossy ones nobody likes). There are many examples throughout the text (as in the example above) in which she has changed words to "ing" endings which I have always thought is a passive voice---am I right?

indar, Not having your original post, I only had the two
sentences to compare. From the information each provided: 

Cows form bonds, and are best friends forever.
They form bonds, and are best friends forever.

I'll write about "ing" ending in another post.

Hope this helps.    jt
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Offline Tak

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Re: Question about how my writing is being edited
« Reply #2 on: November 22, 2018, 09:49:43 AM »
For me, the lack of a punctuation break after 'one another' in both sentences, makes it not work.

If either one had a pause inserted there, I wouldn't be bothered by how each were phrased. Maybe in the original example there is punctuation, I don't know.

The phrasing  'Best forever friends' seems clunky. Maybe it's just my ears hearing best friends forever, instead.

You don't have to agree with every change they suggest. Especially if the overall meaning hasn't changed.

My thoughts.

Tak

Offline Mark T

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Re: Question about how my writing is being edited
« Reply #3 on: November 22, 2018, 05:28:52 PM »

Personally, I think you need a new editor  ;D

Both sentences are wrong in that they're badly written, with clumsy syntax.

A lot depends on the editor's brief and concomitant compensation. A lot of aspirant writers have high expectations of the editing process (someone else can fill in the commas and shit, I'm a genius at work here) but also tend to price-shop around for a good-sounding deal. There are levels - proofreading only, editing for content, editing for style, editing for content and style, and rewriting in all its nuances. The boundaries are blurred. An editor on a fixed amount is only going to do so much in the time available. Just inconsistent colon usage can be a nightmare to fix, manually, as you can't do a Replace All (because of apostrophes). That's why it's important to self-edit to the point of nausea before handing over your MS. That's not to say beta-readers on editor level shouldn't be employed for plotting and structure, culling and direction, preferably from the outset. There's a market niche; conjunctive editing.  8)

I doubt this is a thriller novel  ::) I'm guessing some sort of thesis-type writing, so condensed accuracy and reading flow is indicated.

they form life-long bonds of individual friendships (within the greater dynamic of the herd's social structure... etc).

But that's interesting about cows, I never knew that, They do exhibit individual personalities (with names to match, Buttercup and Deep Freeze 2, etc)  ;D  but a herd just seems a herd, with maybe one bully that leads the way. Guess I'm a city boy at heart.

I also advise in general that when shopping for an editor, get them to supply a sample edit on a chunk of your text. Or at least a written report on the MS and what needs to be done. Preferably both. It's a good way to see if you're on the same page, so to speak, and you can negotiate from there.   

« Last Edit: November 22, 2018, 05:48:52 PM by Mark T »

Offline indar

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Re: Question about how my writing is being edited
« Reply #4 on: November 23, 2018, 11:00:22 AM »
Thanks Mark, I think I need to stick to poetry but I need to do this writing to fulfill one of two promises I made to my daughter. I have done that whacky butter sculpture thing for 47 years, gotten all involved with state fairs, dairy farmers, rural living and cows. I often said "I could write a book about this stuff'. Jenny said "I sure hope you decide to write that book" and I promised her I would. The other promise was to take her dog--the dog that's bugging me to play "fetch" this very moment. My poetry is often accused of being too prosaic but that's as far as my ability to write prose seems to go. The "editor" is a friend from way back who reappeared a couple of years ago and offered to help

Offline heartsongjt

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Re: Question about how my writing is being edited
« Reply #5 on: November 23, 2018, 11:55:40 AM »
I thought this might be of interest to you indar.       jt

Cattle behaviour
This chapter discusses the details of cattle behaviour (in other words, what cattle
do) such as the relative importance of the five body senses, the various ways stock
communicate with each other and their keepers and behavioural problems arising
from clashes with their environment.
The main points of this chapter
Of the five senses cattle possess, sight is the most dominant. Hearing
and smell also play important roles in how cows assess their
environment.
As a prey species, cattle have an inherent fear of unfamiliar objects,
situations, smells, sudden movements and noises. As well they can
experience fearfulness in situations where they are solitary or isolated.
Understanding this is critical to managing them in a low stress manner.
Cattle are less expressive of pain and injury than humans. Therefore,
behavioural indicators of pain that cattle do express are subtle. An
animal experiencing pain has compromised welfare, and consequences
to their health and productivity are also likely.
The presence of stereotypic behaviours indicate that a cow is in a
compromised welfare state, and is feeling frustrated at the inability to
behave naturally. In cattle, oral stereotypies, which relate to nutritional
and foraging deficits, and ambulatory stereotypies, the result of
restricted movement, are common.

Read more here:  http://www.publish.csiro.au/ebook/chapter/9781486301614_Chapter4
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Offline indar

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Re: Question about how my writing is being edited
« Reply #6 on: November 23, 2018, 02:24:35 PM »
Thank you Jan. There is more to cows than we think :)

Offline Everyman

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Re: Question about how my writing is being edited
« Reply #7 on: November 23, 2018, 04:00:00 PM »
They form bonds with one another becoming BFF (Best Friesians Forever)
« Last Edit: November 23, 2018, 04:05:33 PM by Everyman »

Offline heartsongjt

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Re: Question about how my writing is being edited
« Reply #8 on: November 23, 2018, 04:03:56 PM »
Thank you Jan. There is more to cows than we think :)

You welcome indar.   There's more to humans, too.  lol
« Last Edit: November 23, 2018, 04:05:52 PM by JanTetstone »
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Offline Mark T

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Re: Question about how my writing is being edited
« Reply #9 on: November 23, 2018, 04:56:30 PM »

That's some sort of spaniel/mutt, if I recall. Write the book, Linda. It doesn't have to be long as long as it's complete. The Secret Life of Cows sound's like a good title. 

Offline indar

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Re: Question about how my writing is being edited
« Reply #10 on: November 23, 2018, 05:36:37 PM »
How about "The Secret Life of Cows, Dairy Princesses and Butter Sculptors"?

https://www.midwestdairy.com/fact-sheet-butter-sculpting/
or is it "lives"?
« Last Edit: November 23, 2018, 05:38:50 PM by indar »

Offline heartsongjt

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Re: Question about how my writing is being edited
« Reply #11 on: November 23, 2018, 06:00:20 PM »
How about "The Secret Life of Cows, Dairy Princesses and Butter Sculptors"?

https://www.midwestdairy.com/fact-sheet-butter-sculpting/
or is it "lives"?

Dairy Princesses and Butter Sculptors are two cows. Therefore it would be: "The Secret Lives of Cows, Dairy Princesses and Butter Sculptors"

Life when writing about a single life.
Lives when writing about two or more lives.     
 



Words are Weapons of Demons and Saints

Offline indar

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Re: Question about how my writing is being edited
« Reply #12 on: November 23, 2018, 09:49:51 PM »
see what I mean? Thanks Jan

Offline Mark T

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Re: Question about how my writing is being edited
« Reply #13 on: November 24, 2018, 07:01:39 AM »
Dairy Princesses and Butter Sculptors are two cows. Therefore it would be: "The Secret Lives of Cows, Dairy Princesses and Butter Sculptors"

Life when writing about a single life.
Lives when writing about two or more lives.   

It doesn't apply to the saying Life on Earth, for example. This cow title is a play on words, as in the famous Attenborough documentary, the Secret Life of Plants, where the collective is regarded as singular. 


Offline heartsongjt

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Re: Question about how my writing is being edited
« Reply #14 on: November 24, 2018, 08:40:01 AM »
It doesn't apply to the saying Life on Earth, for example. This cow title is a play on words, as in the famous Attenborough documentary, the Secret Life of Plants, where the collective is regarded as singular.
Thanks Mark.  I forget it all boils down to "publisher's choice."           jt

The secret lives of cows
https://www.animalsaustralia.org/issues/secret-lives-of-cows.php

The Hidden Lives of Cows | PETA
https://www.peta.org/issues/animals-used-for-food/factory-farming/cows/hidden-lives-cows/

Customers who viewed The Secret Life of Cows also viewed
https://www.amazon.com/Secret-Life-Cows-YOUNG-R/dp/0571336779
« Last Edit: November 24, 2018, 09:02:28 AM by JanTetstone »
Words are Weapons of Demons and Saints