Author Topic: Wandering Soul  (Read 222 times)

JanTetstone

  • Guest
Wandering Soul
« on: September 28, 2018, 10:23:06 AM »
Wandering Soul

I listen to the whispers
I witness visions of
many colors, with depth
beyond measure.

Oh, the beauty of time
wadding through the
chambers of my mind;
Beyond mortal eyes
where together truth
and lie, lay side by side
and destiny is the all
knowing guide, that molds
the fiber of my being,
and open and shuts my
inner eyes.

Oh, the beauty of time
and the sweet memories
of what use to be, to a
wandering soul such as I.

        -Jan Tetstone



10:16am September 28, 2018


Offline dlp

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 54
Re: Wandering Soul
« Reply #1 on: October 10, 2018, 12:43:36 PM »
I like this poem, but here are a few of my thought


I listen to the whispers
witness visions of
many colors

get rid of oh the beauty of time after the first one it really adds nothing to the poem to repeat it.
i would put a period after the first line of the 2s also break it up right now it too long.

Oh, the beauty of time.
Wadding through the
chambers of my mind;
Beyond mortal eyes
where together truth
and lie, lay side by side.
 Destiny is the all
knowing guide, that molds
the fiber of my being,
that opens and shuts my
inner eye.

 
  Sweet memories
of what use to be, to a
wandering soul such as I

   imo take  them, take some or take none. 


« Last Edit: October 10, 2018, 12:45:52 PM by dlp »

JanTetstone

  • Guest
Re: Wandering Soul
« Reply #2 on: October 10, 2018, 12:50:05 PM »
I like this poem, but here are a few of my thought


I listen to the whispers
witness visions of
many colors

get rid of oh the beauty of time after the first one it really adds nothing to the poem to repeat it.
i would put a period after the first line of the 2s also break it up right now it too long.

Oh, the beauty of time.
Wadding through the
chambers of my mind;
Beyond mortal eyes
where together truth
and lie, lay side by side.
 Destiny is the all
knowing guide, that molds
the fiber of my being,
that opens and shuts my
inner eye.

 
  Sweet memories
of what use to be, to a
wandering soul such as I

   imo take  them, take some or take none. 




dip ,Thank you for reading. I appreciate the comments.        jt