Author Topic: Sometimes in poetry  (Read 1886 times)

Offline Mark T

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Re: Sometimes in poetry
« Reply #15 on: April 01, 2019, 11:39:51 AM »

Hi Linda - I trust you are well. I've been away from TTB as I was on the verge of losing my cool and getting into another stupid argument online... so I have no plans to show up there again. I have been writing NAPO pieces though, just for the hell of it, did about 15 quads yesterday. Hm. This one also popped out - still busy with it - but would like to hear what you think...



Positive ions and negative icons

I am a servant of the sun. I meditate in its rays.
In the collective memories beyond the windows,
I roam in the files of my mind, seeking paradoxes
of enlightenment. I sense kindred beings on quests
of questioning the questions.

Our environment is crumbling, the old servants
and masters have passed away, war is no more.
We live to survive but now without progression;
in a way, we destroyed our own fallible gods.
I am sad at the loss of brotherhood, those
ancestors who walked this world before us.

I have work to do and must go. The sun has
nourished me, energized my limbs and mind.
Who am I? I ask philosophically, and
a voice from the clouds replies: We are AI
 



« Last Edit: April 10, 2019, 08:33:16 AM by Mark T »

Offline indar

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Re: Sometimes in poetry
« Reply #16 on: April 01, 2019, 07:04:31 PM »
https://www.theguardian.com/books/2014/nov/26/shardik-richard-adams-watership-down-beware-bear

First off I read this book years and years ago. It is basically the story of how a rising civilization appropriates this bear and worships it to death. Do you read fiction? I highly recommend this one. Somehow your poem brought it to mind. Especially the stand-out line (for me):

We live to survive but now without progression;
in a way, we destroyed our own fallible gods.


What a great theme for a poem--I would love to see it developed more.

Lots to like in your poem but I do miss, in this one, the fabulous concrete imagery I have come to expect in your writing. I wonder if there might be a more concrete way of stating an abstraction such as the following:

seeking paradoxes
of enlightenment.



I miss your contributions to the other site(s) oh seeker of wisdom--you know i always related to the themes of your poems.

Offline Mark T

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Re: Sometimes in poetry
« Reply #17 on: April 10, 2019, 08:36:23 AM »

Thanks Linda - that book sounds vaguely familiar but very vaguely so. This snippet of dystopia is written from the POV of a solar-powered 10th generation AI robot in a post-human world.

Offline poetryman123

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Re: Sometimes in poetry
« Reply #18 on: April 10, 2019, 12:30:42 PM »
Beautiful writing.
yonathanasefaw.wordpress.com

Offline Mark T

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Re: Sometimes in poetry
« Reply #19 on: April 10, 2019, 01:10:49 PM »

Thanks, poetryman123.

Offline indar

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Re: Sometimes in poetry
« Reply #20 on: April 11, 2019, 11:17:48 AM »
 Mark wrote:

This snippet of dystopia is written from the POV of a solar-powered 10th generation AI robot in a post-human world.

I have long maintained that reading poetry is as much an art as writing it and the reader should expect to have to work at getting at meanings and layers of meanings---read and reread the work and think think think.

In "Leaves of Grass" Hemmingway wrote (I quote loosely) "Can you reckon a thousand acres? Have you ever felt as proud to get at the meaning of a poem?"

Having said all that I missed your meaning by a thousand miles :) Rereading it now I see the many clues to your main theme--I just grabbed the steering wheel and saw what fit my interpretation. Great and badly needed subject, well written.

Offline Mark T

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Re: Sometimes in poetry
« Reply #21 on: April 11, 2019, 06:18:29 PM »

Thanks for that feedback, Linda. It seems the piece almost worked as intended, with a twist in the tail disguised as a light bulb moment, in the last word, in fact. I wanted the theme to be at first obscure and then obvious.

Hm, all this super-high-tech stuff coming over the horizon now seems rather excessive, doesn't it? The irony is that I doubt it will offer much more in terms of reduced work and increased leisure, to improve ourselves spiritually, for example. No, I'm afraid it will really only suit those twisted entities at the top of the dung heap who want to control everything and everyone. One can only hopefully assume it is all part of some grander plan for humanity's progress but it does look rather Luciferian on the downside edge of the sword. 


A few recent quads:


Human

A constitution for the syndicate -
but love and sex, circles of trees.
The slow faith of deeper waters,
and Chronos, the sower of dust.


Sunset

I saw you at a café, or perhaps
a boulevard, leaves on the wind.
Hazel words unsung, blue eyes
in farewell, a sweetness of days.


Moonlight

Wickled glass is a mercury spider
paused on velvets of torture.
Drums in the distance signal
a darkening of willful blades.


Zenith

Sometime on Sunday I sat and stared
at life with bold eyes of appreciation.
A bowl of fruit, clean water, the air a joy,
the patterns of wood grain, all clearly art.   


Random

Insane scorpions of civility
with doubt loaded as debt.
Scratch-eyed mad in lies
studded with probability.




Offline indar

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Re: Sometimes in poetry
« Reply #22 on: May 07, 2019, 11:06:51 AM »
Mark your quads are always stunning. Because I need a little light and air in my psyche just now I am responding most to "Sunset" and "Zenith". Your are so able to load atmosphere, images and the "feel" of a moment in time in so few words such as:

 leaves on the wind.
Hazel words unsung, blue eyes


Hazel words--- what a fab observation, I am reminded it is autumn below the equator :) time for reflection.

Offline Mark T

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Re: Sometimes in poetry
« Reply #23 on: May 07, 2019, 12:45:22 PM »

Thanks Linda. I'm glad you liked the quads.

Offline Mark T

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Re: Sometimes in poetry
« Reply #24 on: May 07, 2019, 12:53:41 PM »
While I'm here, this is the revision of the opening piece.



Sometimes in poetry


I listen to resonance ring
in ingots slung upon anvils.
I witness images slip inside
hesitant visions of dualities
and trace words from lips
unkissed by this reality.

So what of these swirling waves
wielded by the seas... perhaps
wind patterns in wheat fields,   
or the summer-warm stones
in some forlorn churchyard 
lonely as bony Mondays?

I feel warm winds lofted in liquid birdsong. I see
people unwind their temporal chains as God
wanders through cardboard stage-props
taking names. And any loose intuition
is just a collective echo of thoughts
scribbled across an ad-libbed reality.

Numbers rotate unscathed
in their mysterious dance
upon cellular divisions of infinity.
Giant cog wheels of history
roll into the seas and rust.
In polarized inversion,
wintry midnight suns
throw no shadow of ego.
Somewhere on Earth,
a drop of vanilla ice-cream
falls between sandy toes.
 

Offline indar

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Re: Sometimes in poetry
« Reply #25 on: May 07, 2019, 01:16:12 PM »
Holy Smokes Mark! What a fab write. You really took me there. No nits just struck speechless. Too bad there is so little participation on the poetry board--not like the good old days eh? I hope you are submitting your work for wider audiences....

Offline heartsongjt

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Re: Sometimes in poetry
« Reply #26 on: May 07, 2019, 01:41:13 PM »
While I'm here, this is the revision of the opening piece.



Sometimes in poetry


I listen to resonance ring
in ingots slung upon anvils.
I witness images slip inside
hesitant visions of dualities
and trace words from lips
unkissed by this reality.

So what of these swirling waves
wielded by the seas... perhaps
wind patterns in wheat fields,   
or the summer-warm stones
in some forlorn churchyard 
lonely as bony Mondays?

I feel warm winds lofted in liquid birdsong. I see
people unwind their temporal chains as God
wanders through cardboard stage-props
taking names. And any loose intuition
is just a collective echo of thoughts
scribbled across an ad-libbed reality.

Numbers rotate unscathed
in their mysterious dance
upon cellular divisions of infinity.
Giant cog wheels of history
roll into the seas and rust.
In polarized inversion,
wintry midnight suns
throw no shadow of ego.
Somewhere on Earth,
a drop of vanilla ice-cream
falls between sandy toes.

Somewhere on Earth,
a drop of vanilla ice-cream
falls between sandy toes.


Beautiful write. I love the feel of your poem Mark.

Words are Weapons of Demons and Saints

Offline heartsongjt

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Re: Sometimes in poetry
« Reply #27 on: May 07, 2019, 01:43:26 PM »
Holy Smokes Mark! What a fab write. You really took me there. No nits just struck speechless. Too bad there is so little participation on the poetry board--not like the good old days eh? I hope you are submitting your work for wider audiences....

I agree Linda.  To bad so many good poets 'jumped ship'         jt
Words are Weapons of Demons and Saints

Offline indar

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Re: Sometimes in poetry
« Reply #28 on: May 07, 2019, 06:51:16 PM »
I just noticed in one of my above comments I credited Hemmingway with Leaves of Grass. Are you all being kind to an old lady or did no one else notice?

Offline heartsongjt

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Re: Sometimes in poetry
« Reply #29 on: May 07, 2019, 07:06:53 PM »
I just noticed in one of my above comments I credited Hemmingway with Leaves of Grass. Are you all being kind to an old lady or did no one else notice?

Have to come clean....I didn't notice. I have a lot of respect for you as a writer ,I never question the content of your posts.

But, Leaves of Grass was written by Walt Whitman.
Words are Weapons of Demons and Saints