Author Topic: that night.  (Read 252 times)

Offline ulania

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that night.
« on: September 04, 2018, 06:51:07 AM »
trigger warning: discussion of rape




I think about that night and cry

You tore me open
You lay out every piece of me on my bed
And you didn't bother to ask permission
I didn't even know it was happening

Then you left without putting me back together
Or leaving any instructions
It was up to me to clean my sheets
How can i clean my sheets when i am in parts?

Your face, your name
They anger me
they are constant in my brain but the details of what you did are not
I try to remember, and when i do
I try to forget

I never said you could write your name all over my memories the way you did
I never said you could come into my life or bring your hurricane with you
I never said you could break me and throw away the good bits
I never said you could destroy me then make me wonder if it was my fault
I never said you could leave me in pieces all over my bed, with dirty sheets, no instruction manual on how to be ok again, with your face and your name ever present, in permanent ink branding every piece of me you tore apart

I said no






----- this is obviously a heavy topic and this is just my heart on the page but genuine help would be great, like structure, wording just kind of anything to help me improve thank you!!!!

Offline Mark T

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Re: that night.
« Reply #1 on: September 04, 2018, 02:12:06 PM »

The piece seems autobiographical and if so, might be better left alone on your poet's journey. It is a powerful piece. Tinkering with it might improve things from a technical standpoint but would also perhaps diminish the emotional force at work. This is a purge type poem. Keep writing new poems to improve your craft. Just think if you learned one new thing about poetry every day.   

Offline drab

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Re: that night.
« Reply #2 on: September 18, 2018, 10:29:41 PM »
This is a powerful poem, with some excellent lines.
All too common an occurrence.
I've found that not [classifying] myself as a 'survivor' has actually improved my life.
Write on  :) 
To live, with gentle but cunning deceit, and accept the consequences, is the destiny of every man.

Offline Mark T

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Re: that night.
« Reply #3 on: September 19, 2018, 01:47:02 AM »

Hiya drab - slumming it, are you ;D . Good to see you here.

Offline dlp

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Re: that night.
« Reply #4 on: October 10, 2018, 06:44:19 PM »
if this was written  because this happened to you i am truly sorry.  I hope you get the help you need.  you asked for help with the poem, so i will tell you what i would do.


I think about that night and cry.

You tore me open, laid  out every piece of me on my bed.
You didn't bother to ask permission.

I didn't even know it was happening

You left without putting me back together.
It was up to me to clean my sheets.
To clean my sheets when i was in parts.

Your name, your face,
they anger me;
are constantly  in my brain.
The details of what you did are not.

I try to remember, and when i do
I try to forget.

I never said you could write your name all over my memories the way you did.
Never said you could come into my life and  bring your hurricane with you
Never said you could break me and throw away the good bits
Never said you could destroy me then make me wonder if it was my fault
Never said you could leave me in pieces, with dirty sheets, with no instruction manual on how to be whole again,

Your name and face are ever present, like  permanent ink.
Forever leaving it's mark on  every piece of me you tore apart.

I said no

imo 

Again if this is about you,  really anybody,  my heart goes out to you
« Last Edit: October 10, 2018, 06:48:58 PM by dlp »