Author Topic: about a girl.  (Read 287 times)

Offline ulania

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about a girl.
« on: September 01, 2018, 03:08:07 PM »
i get a temporary feeling of happiness when she texts me,
that feeling doesn't heal the unhappiness in my soul.
i wish my soul could receive texts





this is the first poem i ever wrote, is it good? i don't know, please give your honest opinions!!!
« Last Edit: September 02, 2018, 05:06:15 PM by ulania »

J TETSTONE

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Re: about a girl.
« Reply #1 on: September 01, 2018, 03:41:08 PM »
i get a temporary feeling of happiness when she texts me,
that feeling doesn't heal the unhappiness in my soul.
i wish my soul could receive texts



I hope you don't mind an example of the feelings I drew from your poem.

When she texts me
I  feel happy but
her text Does nothing
to heal my unhappiness
soul.

I am a heart writer so I'm sure you will be hearing from other members who are poets in the truest sense.
Keep writing. Don't hinder your feelings worrying about whether or not you are writing it right. Emotions have their own way of finding voice. . .

Your first poem has much heart in it.      jt     

Offline ulania

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Re: about a girl.
« Reply #2 on: September 01, 2018, 04:03:11 PM »
I hope you don't mind an example of the feelings I drew from your poem.

When she texts me
I  feel happy but
her text Does nothing
to heal my unhappiness
soul.

I am a heart writer so I'm sure you will be hearing from other members who are poets in the truest sense.
Keep writing. Don't hinder your feelings worrying about whether or not you are writing it right. Emotions have their own way of finding voice. . .

Your first poem has much heart in it.      jt     


thank you so much! this is super helpful, thanks for the feedback!

Offline Mark T

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Re: about a girl.
« Reply #3 on: September 02, 2018, 05:25:52 PM »
Welcome to RMP, Ulania.

Your poem is interesting as a commentary on the response effect in a social media world. The dopamine reaction to likes/dislikes is temporary but addictive which is why it is so globally dominant. I understand your poem refers more to texting but the effect is similar, or so I've read. Poetry is a good way to express emotions, and like any other art form, improves with practice. I suggest browsing the older pages on this board to get an idea of contemporary forum poetry. Look out for poets such as Tom 10, drab, duck and myself but there are many others to find a favorite from. Just keep writing, and enjoying the process. I hope you stick around as this forum needs new writers.