Author Topic: Is this a good query letter?  (Read 166 times)

Offline Felines are superior

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Is this a good query letter?
« on: August 06, 2018, 05:25:00 AM »
I wrote a query letter for a middle grade urban fantasy, and it goes like that.

Twelve year old Gaby's life changes when she finds out she's an Amazon.

Gaby, who's friendless, emotionally abused at home, and suffering from low self-esteem, stumbles over a spooky, dark spooky tunnel. The tunnel is populated by trolls who suffer from emotional numbness and get their thrills by finding out kids' insecurities and tailor spells that prey on their deepest fears.

Gaby joins a group of twelve year old Amazons who fight the trolls, led by a house elf who believes midgets are defenders of this planet and born to serve the superior species of humans.

Gaby is glad to find a place where she's accepted. But the girl she befriends, Gina, is a traitor who leaks information to the trolls in exchange for some of the gold the trolls keep in their tunnel. The trolls abduct Gina's baby brother while Gina is out partying when she should be babysitting, and Gaby and Gina both get in the tunnel to save him. That's when Gina tells the head troll causing trouble in her foster home was part of the deal, and Gaby finds out she's been used by her new friend the whole time.

 After Gina tries to get Gaby killed by abandoning her in the trolls' tunnel, Gaby proves her courage by fighting the awful tunnel pet, Cerberus, the three-headed dog. Then she proves her maturity by walking away from a relationship in which she was used and mistreated, and the trolls reach an uneasy, fragile truce with the Amazons. Gina is thrown out of her home by her foster parents and lives in a children shelter.

I'd like to read your opinions. Any suggestions will be appreciated. Thanks.

J TETSTONE

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Re: Is this a good query letter?
« Reply #1 on: August 26, 2018, 12:20:04 AM »
A query letter is a note asking an agent if they’re interested in representing a book.

This site has example of query letters:

https://www.adweek.com/galleycat/23-literary-agent-query-letters-that-worked/77310

Good luck with your writing.      jt

Offline Felines are superior

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Re: Is this a good query letter?
« Reply #2 on: August 26, 2018, 02:13:23 AM »
Thanks for the link. comes in handy.

J TETSTONE

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Re: Is this a good query letter?
« Reply #3 on: August 26, 2018, 12:11:53 PM »
You are welcome.   Good luck with your writing.    jt

Offline sandy123

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Re: Is this a good query letter?
« Reply #4 on: August 26, 2018, 02:00:19 PM »
The story sounds great, lots happening. The first paragraph used the word 'spooky' twice, those two sentences could have been combined into one. I loved where you were going, but it sounded more like a synopsis than a query, a little wordy. but still interesting.