Author Topic: The Young Man  (Read 190 times)

Offline sharkfruit

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The Young Man
« on: April 24, 2018, 12:53:34 PM »
A small boat alone on a river bank
White with blue stripes and a very small anchor
Inside had a small little fishing tank
Though the man aboard had much anger
Days ago he lost the love of his life
The waters became rough and a storm grew
Before she was soon to become his wife
Thunder grew louder and then the man knew
Slipping she fell into the dark water
He had cried for help but no one was there
Feeling like hell the air became hotter
Being alone he began to feel bare
Feeling depressed he looked up at the sky
God was there so no one needed to cry

(This is supposed to be a Shakespearian Sonnet btw)
*Please note* I am new writing poems and I would love some feedback on how I could improve! Thank you! :)

Offline sharkfruit

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Re: The Young Man
« Reply #1 on: April 24, 2018, 12:55:16 PM »
A small boat alone on a river bank
White with blue stripes and a very small anchor
Inside had a small little fishing tank
Though the man aboard had much anger
Days ago he lost the love of his life
The waters became rough and a storm grew
Before she was soon to become his wife
Thunder grew louder and then the man knew
Slipping she fell into the dark water
He had cried for help but no one was there
Feeling like hell the air became hotter
Being alone he began to feel bare
Feeling depressed he looked up at the sky
God was there so no one needed to cry

(This is supposed to be a Shakespearian Sonnet btw)
*Please note* I am new writing poems and I would love some feedback on how I could improve! Thank you! :)