Author Topic: Working for the National Trust  (Read 280 times)

Offline matty11

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Working for the National Trust
« on: December 27, 2017, 04:48:26 AM »
revision

That African mask, painted with ochre,
threaded with hair sucking on bones,
its lively chatter of jungle tones
ghost the gilded themes of this tour.

The shadows ink across splendid
portraits. These Gainsborough ladies
in formal gardens -  waterlilies
and roses - lives slavishly scented.

This crowded cafe bubbles with chit-chat,
a broth of varied voices. We've paid
for tea and homemade cake and that
'Diary of a Country Parson'.

What sugared past do we consume
and trust in our comfortable rooms?

====================================================

original

That African mask, painted with ochre,
threaded with hair sucking on bones,
its lively chatter of jungle tones
ghost the gilded themes of this tour.

The shadows ink across splendid
portraits. These Gainsborough ladies
in formal gardens -  waterlilies
and roses, lives slavishly scented.

This crowded cafe bubbles with chit-chat,

a broth of varied voices. We've paid
for tea and homemade cake. The past

sugared in many ways. It matters.
« Last Edit: December 29, 2017, 07:24:47 AM by matty11 »
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGOCTIZI9vc

Offline Tom 10

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Re: Working for the National Trust
« Reply #1 on: December 27, 2017, 10:47:25 AM »
Delightful, Matty.  Love the turns of phrase - ghost the gilded themes. . . a broth of varied voices. . . .

T
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Offline indar

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Re: Working for the National Trust
« Reply #2 on: December 27, 2017, 06:04:55 PM »
Hi Matty,

You changed the ending since my first read---this is much better. The images are jolting as I'm certain they are meant to be--very effective. Reading it through I am made uncomfortable. The African mask against the pastels of Gainsborough--Ick. I love museum cafes and love the bubbling broth of varied voices that tie all three elements together. But, yes doesn't the museum setting water down the culture those elements represent. Nice observation.

Offline matty11

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Re: Working for the National Trust
« Reply #3 on: December 28, 2017, 02:22:22 PM »
Thanks Tom and Indar. I've tweaked the ending again because it felt too telly and strident.

all the best

Matty
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGOCTIZI9vc