This is the Mum story I told, with appropriate actions, at Mum's 'Going Away Party'. I couldn't have done solemn without choking up, so this is what the people got. We didn't call her our Ageing Valkyrie for nothing.
Probably pretty much word for word seeing as it was so recent.
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"Over the last two weeks I've spoken with a lot of people and they all had a 'Mum' story to share with me. I guess in ninety-two years you get to touch a lot of lives. One of the words which cropped up regularly was fearless. I know why this was, but it's not really true.
"Fearless, to me, implies a kind of stupidity, in inability to recognise danger or problems. And stupid is not a word I'd associate with Mum.
"She could be as scared as the rest of us, but she never let it stop her doing what needed doing, or even just what she wanted to do. Here's an example of what I mean, and I'm sure many of you will recognise Mum in this tale.
"Keep in mind she was eighty when this happened."
There was already a lot of nodding and smiling, and even a few muted laughs.
"I was coming back up from town around midnight. We still had those old yellow street lamps, so it was fairly gloomy. None of the modern security lights along the alleyway alongside our house either, so it was black as hell along there.
"As I got nearer I saw a shape creeping along the hedge at the side of our house. Definitely creeping, but with purpose. When I got nearer I saw it was Mum, carrying a quarterstaff in a very businesslike grip. She saw me and stopped walking.
"Keep in mind this wasn't an old lady's walking stick being brandished fearfully. This was six feet of sturdy ash pole, a genuine weapon, which could crack skulls or break ribs when used properly. And Mum knew what to do with it. I taught her the basics as part of learning myself.
"What are you up to, Mum?"
"I heard a suspicious noise in the back garden so I had to check it out."
Around that time we had a local yobbo who was creeping around at night making a nuisance of himself because he didn't like me. Mum was never the sort to pull the blankets over her head and pretend the problem wasn't there. We saw plenty of proof of this when we were young and Dad was working away.
"I didn't put the lights on. I crept downstairs in the dark, grabbed the staff from by the door, and crept out the front so I could surprise whoever it was."
Then she demonstrated the other side of her nature, the willingness to just pass the buck if she felt someone more qualified was there to do the job. She just handed me the staff and said "I'll go and put the kettle on. But I won't put on the kitchen light in case it scares them away. I don't want to spoil your fun.
And that, for me, sums up our Mum."
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The 'audience' didn't burst into cheers, but there was so much head nodding, smiling, chuckles,and muttered "That's Paddy" comments I knew I'd picked the perfect tale.
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By the time I'd checked the perimeter and the hidey holes Mum had a drink waiting for me. I think she was quite disappointed I didn't find anyone.
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