Author Topic: Jury Duty  (Read 281 times)

Offline indar

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Jury Duty
« on: December 19, 2017, 02:50:01 PM »
Jury Duty

The court room clerk
yelled all rise
the judge stepped out
his blazing eyes
were fixed on me
he took my hand
we rose up over
the witness stand
did a practice turn
around the rotunda
into the dome
and out the cupola
he like a condor
in flaring black robes
I in my Lois Lane
business suit
flew under the moon
and over the ocean
it was half past midnight
when we got to the island
a crazy party
was just getting started
paper lanterns
burned in the palms
a steel drum band
played
Vaya Con Dios
we shuffled the drum beat
gibbons howled
the judge sang
clear and loud
can I get a witness
the line forms here
everyone danced
to the conga beat
one by one each had a say
each spoke the truth
although
none agreed.


A total rework--sillier than ever

Offline matty11

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Re: Jury Duty
« Reply #1 on: December 20, 2017, 06:41:57 AM »
Hi Indar,
           I think the opening lines sets up an expectation of rhyme, which a chunk of the poem doesn't deliver. The skinny format and rhyme sing for the flight of fancy, though I feel that crazy party  could be made more surreal - I liked the fun of the gibbons! The conclusion grounds the poem.

best

matty
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGOCTIZI9vc

SharonLeigh

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Re: Jury Duty
« Reply #2 on: December 20, 2017, 08:44:47 PM »
Hi indar! I don't recall the earlier version, but I found this lots of fun. Enjoyed myself all the way through. Love how the prosaic title sets the reader for a possible commonplace experience, then the poem takes a wonderful, dreamlike turn. A daydream, I presume? A sense of the n escaping a dull or unbearable moment by flight of imagination, or an observation of what may have felt a farce to the n.The clipped lines and absence of punctuation really work here. I like the rhyme, it doesn't intrude and it lends itself to the rhythm and musicality of the piece, though like matty I did notice its departure, when the first 12 lines were so strongly end-rhymed and the remainder not. Altogether, though, a terrific ride-- much enjoyed!

Best,
Sharon

Offline drab

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Re: Jury Duty
« Reply #3 on: December 28, 2017, 10:07:56 PM »
Quite an imagination Linda  :)
I enjoyed the 'trip'...what substance were you on BTW  ;D
To live, with gentle but cunning deceit, and accept the consequences, is the destiny of every man.