Author Topic: meal for one  (Read 481 times)

yossarian

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meal for one
« on: December 19, 2017, 10:49:03 AM »
Hello! I'm new here, always loved writing but this is the first time I've sat down and tried to write a real poem. Honest feedback would be highly appreciated, thank you all!

meal for one

on my way to the corner shop I saw a red thing
in the road (a little red thing floundering
against the tarmac)

and the earth seemed to bend around its little
red dance like a face in a spoon as meadow
chewed at the road’s edges and
trees arched ((((( like spines.

all that was green was caved in like an empty
stomach in a great bug-eyed re a ch for the little
red thing as it splayed,


held up for all to see like a
prize on the road’s flat palm _____ like a
michelin starred smear-on-a-plate

holy Fall! astaire turned to a jitterbugging
handful of redwhite meat a
not-even-pound of flesh and
drinking-straw bones-

alchemy to scrape – stir – simmer – reduce to a
thick red sauce floundering with ketchup and
string sausages all unravelled and spread-eagled like a limp hand in the road

all red an unravelled red thing half-dead
suffering and finding no mercy in my trainer i
turned on my rubber heel and took flight

Offline indar

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Re: meal for one
« Reply #1 on: December 19, 2017, 04:22:24 PM »
Stunning first poem. I will return to make further comments once you get settled here. Often a first-time poster never returns to acknowledge comments by RMP members. So we ask you to commit to some participation by introducing yourself on the "welcome board" Look for it on the home page. I will welcome you in advance and hope you do continue to post here as this piece is quite a promising read.