Author Topic: he draws me a bath (HARSH CRITIQUES WANTED)  (Read 413 times)

Offline sabrinacr

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he draws me a bath (HARSH CRITIQUES WANTED)
« on: December 15, 2017, 03:27:19 PM »
I forcibly emerge
from a nightmare,
shouting to myself
"wake up!"

He does

He grumbles
what?

I move my limbs to
know Im awake, and
feel the squish of
fresh blood in
my ass

"oh no" I cry
and waddle to the bathroom,
my vagina dribbling
on the hardwood

He brings me what I need
cleans the sheets
washes the floor
and draws me a bath

The water is lukewarm.
I cry like a baby.
He boils hot water
and pours it in
Hot enough? He asks
I stick one shaking finger in
and nod, tell him he can go
back to sleep
and He slumps away

Stray hairs rise to the top
of the shallow water.
I sink in and think
when will this blood
be more than
a mess to clean up?
when will this blood
give life?

I slip on the cold tile,
whimper quietly
so as not to wake Him
again.
avoiding the mirror.
I dry my body,
exaggerate wrinkles,
hallucinate age spots

and all the sleepless night
from beneath my dampened blanket,
the matriarchs mutter about
how selfish Im being

"don't fall for this world," they say
"you know how long
it took us
to conceive."

then
I look next to my
pitiful whine of a body
and see His eyebrows
furrow.


Offline indar

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Re: he draws me a bath (HARSH CRITIQUES WANTED)
« Reply #1 on: December 15, 2017, 06:06:03 PM »
Hello Sabrina,
Am I losing my mind? What happened to your poem titled Cucumber?

I appreciate the scriptural theme of barren matriarchs. I thought once to write a paper on the "missing" women of the named 7 in the case of Hannah.

I want to comment on the male pronoun always capitalised. In other words this poem is intrigueing to me. I feel this is deeply personal to you. I would like to know more about you.

But I see that you haven't commented on the poems of others or introduced yourself on the "welcome" board. There is no reason for you to have known these things.

Usually a moderator will direct you to read the stickies at the top of the board that tell you and include a link but I understand there are problems taking up all their time just now.

Go to the home page to find the welcome board--please---I think your writing will be a welcome addition here.


« Last Edit: December 15, 2017, 06:08:46 PM by indar »