Author Topic: New Tongues (for review)  (Read 495 times)

Offline reynaspoerl

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New Tongues (for review)
« on: December 06, 2017, 12:55:49 AM »
I speak the language of kings and queens
I speak the  language of the pauper.

I converse freely with darkness. 
Of the language of the light, I am fluent

Expressions of music do not confound me.
I am a master of their prose

The languages of ancient are not a mystery to me. All of them, I have long understood.

No dialects are beyond my comprehension.
For I have experienced them all and understood everyone

But in your presents
I speak with new tongues.

I am born again with new understanding
More spiritual than the hymns of old are the words we speak.

Though a language I have not known,
I do not hesitate and I do not stutter

Eloquent are my utterances
I do not lack for speech and these new words tumble freely from my lips.

I can no longer speak in the languages I have known before,
I am fated to speak only this new tongue

I will speak only this and only you will hear.
None will know our words, a mystery to all they will be

Kings and queens and paupers alike will long to comprehend but will never
It will be ours alone

Our language will be unknown as the darkness
And blinding as the light to others

Writers of song will long seek to duplicate but they will fail always.
It cannot be imitated

Wise men will speak of it
Its secrets unknown even until the end of the ages

Speakers of every language will covet our words and will never be contented.
it is ours only. Always

Offline DTF

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Re: New Tongues (for review)
« Reply #1 on: December 06, 2017, 07:22:00 AM »
I really enjoyed this

Offline duck

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Re: New Tongues (for review)
« Reply #2 on: December 07, 2017, 07:46:46 AM »
Hi and welcome.

To really engage a reader, in my opinion, and so I believe according to poetic wisdom, a poem must provide strong and clear images and sensorial language that is specific and at least be personal enough for the writer that the reader can empathise with that personal experience. This poem is way too abstract and vague for me and I suspect many others to feel a single worthwhile emotion about it. I could guess the new tongue is the language of love but it could equally be a language spoken with a god or a computer language. There is much repetition about how only you and the mysterious other will understand the language, immediately alienating your entire audience unless I can be sure the poem is addressed to that audience.
In short, the  poem needs to provide something real and concrete, somethng senuous to actually mean anything.