Author Topic: First timer! Please critique!  (Read 428 times)

Offline sodabread

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First timer! Please critique!
« on: December 05, 2017, 08:20:55 PM »
Hi everyone... Iím new here, so not sure how things work. Hoping for some feedback on my first ever poem. Thank you!

"Boy," she said, "you're one of the lucky ones;
A natural born cynic.
Caressed by the 'got aways' and 'what ifs'.
But familiar smells do not bode well for a fragrant life."
"What of these wolves outside my door?
I rest easy in pastures of blissful indifference."
"What of these wolves? Wildfire of the mind. Burning through landscape after landscape, leaving nothing but a transient edge, to which you endlessly cling. Calluses form in holding on, imagine what lies within letting go."

- A. Scott

Offline duck

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Re: First timer! Please critique!
« Reply #1 on: December 06, 2017, 05:07:51 AM »
Hi and welcome
I am impressed this is an original piece or writing and highly interesting.
Dave

Offline Mark T

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Re: First timer! Please critique!
« Reply #2 on: December 08, 2017, 03:21:17 AM »
This is the poem, imho. Lots of potential in your writing.


What of these wolves?

Wildfire of the mind, burning
through landscape after landscape,
leaving nothing but a transient edge,
to which you endlessly cling.
   Calluses form in holding on,
imagine what lies within    letting go.